Posts tagged thc

take me to the hospital

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The title is a popular song by the electronic band Prodigy, and it’s an awesome song on it’s own, but I have a memory of being taken to the hospital, where I still get a bill every month that I spitefully pay just $5 a month on for that ride.  I didn’t get charged by the hospital, luckily, but the freaking ambulance company is up my ass about a ride they are charging me over $700 for.  The cab ride back to the apartment from the hospital was under $20 with tip.

I got to talk to someone else recently who has endured this kind of thing.  Calling out for help sometimes gets you in even more trouble than you started out with.

me in paper, so stylish

me in paper, so stylish

In this photo I look like I am a psycho nursing assistant or something, but it’s actually a patient “uniform” when you get checked in to the ER at Earl K Long in Baton Rouge for a psychiatric evaluation.  Never call a suicide hotline while drunk!  More importantly, make a cop take you to the hospital because you will end up with a bill over $700 for a ten minute ambulance ride!

Now I could probably try to get medicaid to pay that, but I don’t want them to get the cash that quickly.  I don’t think it’s right for people to get carted off in an ambulance when they could take the ride in a cop car.  I really should have refused the ambulance and someone should have offered a ride, but then again, I didn’t push it, so nobody threatened to “take me to jail” if I didn’t go in the ambulance.

I know a cop could have taken me, even if they had to cuff me, but then again, if the ones who showed up were too lazy, the one that did put me in a car would have probably threatened jail just to get me into the ambulance.  I was drunk and depressed, in that “drunk crying” mode.  I was allowing myself to literally shake with anxiety because in my mind, this was the potential start for a much longer journey than just the hospital trip.

I wasn’t sure at all about what it would be like, or how long they would really keep me, or what kind of accommodations I would find at wherever they were taking me.  I didn’t know if I should expect the kind of thing I see in the movies, or if it would be worse.

When I got there, I was admitted, and they tested my urine and gave me ativan because the figured I was a pretty high level alcoholic to have that level, and they didn’t want to deal with seizures if I was physically dependent.  Luckily, even though I have been drinking about six years, I still never got to the point where I could handle the kind of amounts that they were probably assuming.

I am lucky to have the background and history of smoking as much weed as I did, because I have read somewhere that it helps prevent seizures that can potentially come from sudden abstinence from alcohol after several years of using it regularly.

I was in a weird mood when I started this post, probably buzzed, and I even used that photo of me in the paper suit while I was creating the first draft.  I would say I’m “not feeling it” anymore, but something kept me coming back to this post in an effort to figure out what I was ranting about this time.

I know that I didn’t appreciate having a $700 plus bill show up in the mail after going through such an ordeal as putting myself in that situation in the first place.  Then I had to go to the hospital and show them my actual financial state at the time so that they didn’t hit me up for over $1200.  That would have been over 2 grand for making one drunk fucking phone call!

At least I didn’t get caught trying to drive while fucked up because commercials out here in Nevada indicate they will take $10,000 from you by the time it’s all said and done, and you lose your car and license, unless they are figuring that all in with that horrible threat.

I’ve posted enough about “luck” and that didn’t have anything to do with never getting caught driving while fucked up.  I actually have an anxiety about trying to get behind the wheel even if I have been drinking a little bit, because I know very well that if some a-hole pedestrian walks out in front of you, it’s their fault if you are sober but your fault if you are fucked up.

That makes no fucking sense to me whatsoever.  I mean, if some drunk guy hits a bus stop, like one just did recently very close to where I happen to live, he should get slapped with the harshest punishment available.  He fucking killed somebody.  At the same time, nearly every week, some asshole tries to cross the street in total darkness in the exact point between intersections where they should not fucking be crossing.  Add to that if they are drunk and wobbling all over the place while trying to cross the road in total darkness, and you can guess that Darwin’s law will prevail, and that asshole will be another statistic shown on the news.

Most of the time, those suicidal pedestrians are taken out by people who happen to be *TOTALLY FUCKING SOBER* and very lucky to have been on that occasion.  In those cases, the drivers aren’t charged, because the cops know you CAN’T FUCKING SEE THESE PEOPLE IN THE DARK.  If, on the other hand, the driver happens to have had as little as a few beers, then criminal charges come into the picture.

That’s why I am scared to drive drunk.  I’m not scared I would cause an accident, I’m scared that some idiot would cause an accident and then I am still at fault because I happened to be drunk.  Because of this, I don’t drive drunk myself, but I am not so militant about drunk drivers.  If I lost a loved one to a drunk driver, I still would not occupy my time or energy in pursuing “every other drunk driver on the planet”.  Those people do that so they don’t go buy a gun and take out the *one drunk driver* that really matters “to them”. 🙂  I know, dark.

I am not just lucky, but work hard at keeping myself as safe as possible when I am fucking around with a drug as dangerous as alcohol.  I like getting drunk, but I understand and respect the power of that drug, and I know that it’s ironic that out of all the drugs on the planet, this is the one “they” chose to sedate us with.

I really wonder how and why they could not have encouraged the use of marijuana over alcohol because it is so much less dangerous.  Then, I remember that they only made marijuana illegal in the first place because they were racist and wanted an easy way to lock up as many minorities as they could.  I have read that it started with Mexicans, but it worked so well for them that they kept the law in place for blacks.  I am guessing that crack was a real boom to police unions and private prison investors, as well as a big win for racists everywhere who want to continue to lock up more people than any country in the world.

I also keep in mind how big pharma and big alcohol love the lack of competition from this meek little harmless plant.  Occasionally, now that the walls are coming down against the removal of marijuana prohibition, people are trying to lump in pot smokers with alcoholics, and I am kind of offended, even though I happen to be both at the same time.

I know that if pot would have been legal, I never would have started using alcohol regularly in the first place.  I have to wonder how many investors in big alcohol know this for a fact, and are close to knowing an exact statistic of how many regular customers they would not have if weed was legal.

I also wonder how much cancer could have been prevented or slowed down from killing so many people if weed was legal, since it has been proven that weed does inhibit tumor growth.  I have read that this was discovered way back in the 70’s, but the information was suppressed because they were trying desperately to find something *wrong* with weed but just couldn’t.

In fact, I failed to mention how genesis 1:29 in the freaking bible says that God created all plants for man to use as food.  Hemp happens to be perfectly nutritionally balanced, and yet, the christians are not in an uproar that this “sacred plant food” has been taken away from us.

I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for the “food network” to talk about the merits of weed being the “perfectly balanced food” because they are so mainstream and busy slinging  out the pro alcohol propaganda while they conveniently act like weed doesn’t exist.  There is a “cocktail” recipe in nearly every show, with real alcohol, but they act like they have never heard of “marijuana edibles”.

I have to wonder how many people never would have resorted to overdosing on prescription medication if they never went to pills because they stayed happy with a little weed every day.  I have to wonder how many people are in serious pain, and being denied those same pills even when a doctor orders them, because some dickhead at some pharmacy looked them over and labeled them a “drug addict”, even though they are %100 fucking legit.

All that makes me hate big pharma even more.  if the drugs they  make aren’t killing you, you are left dying in pain because the masochistic pharmacist doesn’t want to give you the shit that a real fucking doctor said you should have.

I don’t know, I like to say “I’m not crazy, this fucking reality is out of it’s fucking mind crazy.”

Of course, that is a typical statement of someone who is bat shit crazy, to assume that they are normal and the rest of the world is just fucked in the head.

In my case, when I look around at the world, and see comments people make online about different things, I really start to wonder if everybody is really fucked up in just one small way, and they are only functional because they can hold down that little bit of crazy long enough to get out of the public eye and express it in some kind of fucked up ritual.

I am happy just smoking a little weed, but that was “too much to ask”, before moving 2000 miles and going to a doctor for x-rays that show I need a hip replacement at the age of 46, and I am going to suffer in pain until it is replaced.  If I still lived in Louisiana, they would be giving me fucking tylenol for this massive occasional hip pain.  Louisiana can forever suck my balls.

Even now, I consider how after surgery, I will probably be given some heavy duty shit, and because I have long hair, the dickhead at the pharmacy might deny me of it when I really need it.  On the other hand, I have a history with my pharmacist, and I don’t go in there all nervous, anxious, and itchy, bitching if there is any delay on my precious fucking pills.  I have been in there and watched the kind of people they have no choice but to turn away.  At the same time, the local news makes a big deal out of people who have had to go to up to 30 pharmacies to get one medication, and one of those fuckers was in a fucking wheelchair!

When I said “take me to the hospital” a little part of me had given up.  I reached a kind of “rock bottom” that didn’t require a televised intervention or even the participation of family and friends.  At the time, my family was literally scared of me more than they were scared for me, and my “friends” were pretty shitty and fucked up themselves at the moment.

I had nobody to turn to but myself, and while I did check in for a 3 day holiday, it was really educational.  After all the alcohol I had abused, it wasn’t until I was on ativan that I managed to see from a slightly different perspective, and pull my head out of my ass long enough to finally start to straighten out all the shit that was fucked up with my life.

In a way, the visit to the hospital did absolutely nothing to improve my “condition” on it’s own.  The medication combined with the intense boredom of being stuck with nobody to talk to but yourself was enough to change my perspective to the point where I realized that I either had to figure out a guaranteed way to take myself out, or I had to figure out a way to maximize the potential I have for growth and development in the future.

I think that a spiteful part of myself wanted to get back out there into “reality” just to see how much trouble I could cause without getting into trouble myself.  In a way, I think I am still doing that.  My work is pretty unique, because there aren’t many super sized, or super morbidly obese women who are approaching 500lbs who literally suck and fuck on the internet.

I had to sober up “just enough” to get a job, to keep the apartment, to meet a few women, to build my confidence, to get Candy back, to get back to work doing what I was meant to be doing all along.

In a way, my life is even more crazy now than it was when I was just drinking myself to sleep every time I woke up.  I was boring, typical, useless alcoholic.  Now, i create content that is just raunchy enough that it stands out against the competition just enough to pay me just enough to make me want to keep creating it.

I am kind of taking money away from other people who are doing the same thing.  Every dollar I make I am grateful for because it’s a dollar someone could have spent somewhere else, but didn’t.  I realize that everybody and their grandmother, LITERALLY, are trying to make a dollar in the adult realm online.

There are granny phone sex chicks that are super sized but don’t even use that to their advantage, or just started to recently, which gets them into modeling.  That’s how I met and got started with Dia from bbwdungeon.com.  She was in phone sex, she was a SSBBW, and she didn’t think that she could market her real look in order to promote her phone sex.  Now women are doing it all the time.

I love saying “grannies” because I did some math and concluded that a woman is old enough to be a “granny” at just 32, if she had a kid at 16 and that kid had a kid at 16.  When you raise that to 18, you get 36.  If you raise it to 18, you get 42.  Candy happens to be 42 right now. 🙂  I have concluded that when Candy does hardcore content, it is not just SSBBW hardcore, it is actually SSBBW granny hardcore. 🙂

 

ssbbw candy godiva swallows

ssbbw candy godiva swallows

Being a ‘granny’ isn’t just for “parents” anymore. 🙂  Being a MILF probably doesn’t require having kids anymore.  Even if someone has biological kids, it doesn’t mean they have to have custody of said children when they do porn in order to be called a “MILF”.  I think that is just one of many “flattering” terms that have been given to fetishes and sexual preferences that don’t involve magazine cut out “allegedly perfect women”.

For example, “BBW” is supposed to mean “big beautiful women”, but I have often commented upon how the “beautiful” is easily disputable not only based on facial charisma, but on personality and general attitude.  In other words, there are some fat women out there who are just real bitchy cunts!  They really don’t deserve to use bbw no matter what they look like, but I like to call them “big bitchy women”. 🙂

So, the content that I create can get a little crazy, because all I have to do is cross over into a few more fetishes and it gets insane.  I put on a horse head mask for one video and so there is “mask play” and “pony play” as well as the already crazy combination of SSBBW granny porn.  If I toss some food in there on top of that, you have “feed me fuck me” ssbbw granny porn with mask play.

ssbbw sex with horsehead masked man

ssbbw sex with horsehead masked man

I don’t know, but maybe I just found a way to end this post, and justify the title “take me to the hospital”. 🙂

Also, this reminds me of how badly I want to do another SSBBW “feed me fuck me” hardcore clip and Candy has been procrastinating because she is fixated on the food she wants for feedee videos!

My life really is “crazy”. 🙂

 

disclaimer

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i thought it would be appropriate to take a moment, in the exact moment when ‘the buzz’ hit.  just 2 beers would be enough for that tiny, starter buzz on alcohol.  oh, it’s sweet.  you want to sit back and smile for a second, just taking in the realization that you are lucky enough to be drinking this substance, feeling its effects, and not being fucked with by anything or anyone at any moment.

giant futon, nearly too big

giant futon, nearly too big

of course, there is the possibility that Candy might want something, but the probability is low currently because of a recently delivered cup full of green colored lemon lime flavored Kool aid, plus the second half of a huge plate of Panda Express take out that was created earlier today.

seattle, lucky bastards, celebration when the new legalization of cannabis goes into effect

seattle, lucky bastards, celebration when the new legalization of cannabis goes into effect

i wanted to drunk blog a sec.  yeah.  fucking yeah!  no, not really.  it’s not just the beer, the ice beer at %5.9 alcohol, it’s also the ‘spice’.  i picked up a variety from a smoke shop that is on Swenson right around the corner.  the place across the street has a few varieties, but this one seems to have some kick to it.  i wish i knew the exact chemical formulation of each variety that i am so willing to be a test subject for.

taco bell feast, may not have been in a video... ever... not that particular one... :>

taco bell feast, may not have been in a video… ever… not that particular one… :>

Candy should be my ‘drug’.  She is, actually.  On any given moment, if anything I perceive is ‘wrong’ where to happen, just touching her would immediately bring me to a place where i am solid, resolved, and i can handle any kind of shit i have to in the given moment.  i can think of myself as lucky to be granted with that rare opportunity.  i get to be around this wonderful person almost all the time.  i take a moment, frequently, and remember how lucky i am, for so many reasons.

400 million, it's a 'thing'

400 million, it’s a ‘thing’

when i think back to the way i was about 15 years ago, i would say that i was pussy whipped and a virtual slave.  now, i have to recognize that because of the unique combination of chemicals released in my human brain while i am around her, most of the time, i can say, as the same ‘person’, over a decade later, that i am lucky and proud to be in the position of being a slave to the most amazing person that i have had the good fortune to have met and been given the opportunity to have and lose so many times in this fleeting thing we call a life bound by the thing we perceive as reality.

run on sentences, i know.  maybe i’ll edit later.

ambulance rip off

ambulance rip off

i’m laying it on, maybe i should hit ‘the diph’.  whoa.  diphenhydramine.  why give me hydroxyzine when there is already diph?  i’m probably spelling it wrong, but the spell check messes up prozac.

photo in time article called 'your brain in love'. damned feeders...

photo in time article called ‘your brain in love’. damned feeders…

i got all juiced up, let myself log in here, and started freaking Depeche Mode Black Celebration entire ‘album’.  yeah, those big things.  oh god i’m so fucking old.  i know, i’m supposed to be ‘positive’, but i keep busting my own balls because i have paved a path of unnoticed injustice and irrelevant malevolence. in this ‘thing’, i can at least call myself an asshole and it might do somebody some good, hopefully me, maybe even someone else.

mrbigfatvideo fat youtube termination

mrbigfatvideo fat youtube termination

i’m not going to ‘hit the diph’ tho.  as wild as i will let myself run barefoot in the interwebs, i won’t go all crazy and shit.  i never did get my nitrous oxide tho… that would be ‘doing it big’ you know.  lol  that shit is like food related and entheogen related!  no way!  who cares?  cannabis cures cancer!  yeah right.  who cares?  really?  anyway… lol no context… it’s so fucked up.  at least i can type fuck and not f8ck like i feel compelled in facebook.  daring them all the time to delete me while i censor myself. sad. 🙂

megacandyfan fat youtube termination

megacandyfan fat youtube termination

i have to put it out there, because i have to say, honestly, if i’m going to be all neutral and shit… there is a lot of shit going on all over the place all over here all the time.  as a ‘maybe local’ i need to get my shit together.  i also have to say, up front, as much as the asshole who used to write this thing may have talked shit about any kind of attempt to get any social group going, forget all that shit.  i think i was playing a character who cared about that shit so much, when he could use it, like any distraction, to avoid his own problems. 🙂  I am fortunate to be able to say that money isn’t an issue to going to this thing or that thing, but the problem is there is ‘everything’.  there is also the limitations that i have learned are holding Candy back, and i have learned nearly the exact degree that she may be able to get away with and handle easily.

obesiverse fat youtube termination

obesiverse fat youtube termination

after all, this woman wanted to move to freaking vegas, she spent 3 days cooped up riding shotgun in the too small cab of a big ass moving van to get there.  she did suffer though.  either way, she wanted it, she’s got it, and now i got to make this shit happen.  i’ve been a lazy fuck.  honestly.  getting back somehow to a point if there is one because this is admittedly intoxicated writing.  we can’t go to ‘everything’.  we could go to this and that, but it’s not a big ambition, and there isn’t a big drive inside of us to justify spending the money it would take to even attempt to go to everything.  i am ‘here’, so there are probably ways i could contribute to this or that, but i have never put myself out there, and people in those circles do not have incentive to involve just anyone local because of so many people who run cons and shit out here.  i think i’ve afflicted Candy with my cheapness too… instead of spending hundreds on this or that thing, she would rather split it up into food frenzies and clothing sprees.  she knows i want to blow 300 or so on a ‘quad core 8gb ram 2 terabyte hard drive’ machine that i would build myself for just that much, and she knows that i could afford it but i put it off because i keep getting by with what i have because it works.  i kind of want it, but whatever.  not many people do that it seems. 🙂

luvembigger fat youtube termination

luvembigger fat youtube termination

i’ve always been a 20K guy.  i’ve had the choice to go higher at times, but in the worlds that i have participated in, from one end of the spectrum to another, i was just more comfortable in that area.  kind of sad.  but…  it lowered the bar on how much i had to make to just sit on my ass and ‘be my own boss’ and all that jazz. 🙂  so… it’s like being ‘poor by choice’ but not really suffering as a result.  if anything, we’re not taking advantage of our poorness to the point we could be and it’s not uncomfortable. 🙂

black diamond bontanical incense

black diamond bontanical incense reviewed

i was lucky that i chose to acquire car repair skills and computer repair skills, because it lent a hand in the situation that i happened to end up in, by choice, or by the sum of several small choices.  i could maintain an old piece of shit to the point where i’m not making payments, only paying liability insurance, and whatever seems to go wrong by will of god or fate has not prevented me from fixing it so i can keep driving it.

microwave pastry

microwave pastry

i don’t have to make a lot, and so therefore, i choose not to, and now, of course, the additional incentive of ‘affordable care act’ is quite attractive. 🙂  i used to criticize this stuff, and now i’m like “bring it on! where’s my free shit?”  i’m legit.  i pay my taxes, i’m part of the ‘working poor’ even if i’m ‘self employed’. 🙂  fucking reality.  gotta love it.  i had to switch over from depeche mode to duran duran, namesake album, entire album.  ‘anyone out there?’

ssbbw candy godiva withy almost $60 in panda express take out

ssbbw candy godiva withy almost $60 in panda express take out

this blog would come into being shortly after the announcement of the ‘end obesity in a generation’ campaign.  i don’t have the credentials, but i would love to have offered several opportunities to get to the bottom of this whole ‘obesity thing’. 🙂  for example, my desire to get access to an entire group of ‘super morbidly obese’ individuals in a MRI session that could accommodate them, to further explore the potential neurological links between them in order to find the ‘common thread’ that is so important in finding an eventual resolution.

way too much panda express!

way too much panda express!

yes… the answer… a resolution… now… think about that for a second…  big food…. food inc…  they might not be too happy with all of that.  they are an ‘ally’ in the way that they are the only force that stands in the way of full out war on anything with the ‘obesity’ tag associated with it.  obesity is the enemy!  obesity is fatal!  obesity is the devil!  omfg who do we burn first?  hahahaha

one toaster oven cooked, frozen, fried shrimp

one toaster oven cooked, frozen, fried shrimp

we can’t just ‘solve obesity’ in the sense that we can keep over consuming mass quantities of shit that is obviously not good for us.  it’s sold to us every two to three minutes on all cable networks twenty four hours a day seven days a week.  fucking right we have marketing dominance.  hire billy mayes, wait, he’s dead, the austrailian guy… whoever… 🙂  we can’t eat as much as we want as often as we want and sit around without a consequence.  that’s part of ‘the balance’.  if we could ‘solve obesity’ in one swipe, then america and china would starve the rest of the world immediately.

ssbbw candy godiva behind $58 worth of panda express take out

ssbbw candy godiva behind $58 worth of panda express take out

so then…  it’s the compulsion to eat mass quantities.  wonder why?  i’m sure that all of the neurologically sensitive ingredients like MSG don’t have anything to do with it, or AD-36 the ‘fat virus’, or genetic tendency towards obesity when the mother is obese while pregnant…  Maybe the fact that we are raised generation after generation with more and more convenience and a lack of physical activity.  If I dare to mention ‘the balance’ then i have to take many more variables into consideration for meaningful insight.  the balance would dictate that obesity is a future consequence, not an epidemic.

breaded fried shrimp with tail, heated in toaster oven and further browned as well

breaded fried shrimp with tail, heated in toaster oven and further browned as well

forget all of that… personal responsibility!  willpower!  your a failure!  buy this!  buy that!  lol that’s what it’s all about, the hustle…  capitalism, glorious capitalism.  i lick the tip of your powerful, glowing, pulsating cock every day!  you are my god, in you i trust!  lol  weird… make a note.  it’s like i’m obligated.  while i ‘own the name’ obesiverse, i am the god of obesiverse.  i am, therefore, ‘obesiverse’.  while i may not value the essence of what i have created over time, i can’t deny the fact that it did penetrate certain areas of interest because of it’s absolute literary insanity.

ice. time is slower, colder.

ice. time is slower, colder.

if you were given the opportunity to just ‘switch’, with an alternate personality, that was only slightly different, would you do it for the sake of helping not only yourself, but those around you who were just generally ‘good’ and ‘cool’?  freaking five year thing.  hard to describe.  it’s not even fucking on time, fucking actual ‘b day’ is still far off, but not really, because time is relative, and i seem to enjoy experimenting in tricks that make time go by faster, or slower, or ‘not at all’?

sweet, pork shoulder roast bone in that i just made left overs from

sweet, pork shoulder roast bone in that i just made left overs from

all of the output, of the blog, in the past, might have been a way to create an entire alternative reality, and then, like some ‘god’, destroy it.  entirely.  anything looking back would become a pillar of salt like biblical stuff that i don’t want to research in this moment.  i may have created it, as i had pondered, just to destroy it.

ssbbw candy godiva cut into that pork roast!

ssbbw candy godiva cut into that pork roast!

before being all deep, it’s actually just a matter of domain renewal.  the second somebody doesn’t keep up with that shit it’s over with.  it’s not like i can’t pay the $12 a year, it’s like, do i ‘want’ to pay it and keep this name around?  this ‘name’… this ‘character’, that at times i think i would hate right now…  hmmm…  i’m laughing right now, but i stopped the music because Candy reminded me i should be doing something else.  🙂

ssbbw candy godiva thumbs up on pork roast

ssbbw candy godiva thumbs up on pork roast

it’s so funny, just to me, maybe… maybe… 😉   there is no fucking context!   i’m locked in here with the 2D thing or something.   omfg i’ll probably want to delete it.  maybe not, it might be funny.  🙂

ssbbw candy godiva, X2, with food

ssbbw candy godiva, X2, with food

man, inxs kick full album kicks ass…  the mood has passed, and i’m over 2000 words yet again… 🙂

 

 

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