Posts tagged marijuana edibles

medical weed is ok now

0
and just when will i get that hip replaced? on july 12, 2016 that's when!

Just when will i get that hip replaced?  July 12, 2016 that’s when!

 

Yeah, i did get that hip replaced, and I’m lucky to get medical weed, but then again, i may not be too lucky to get medical weed if I had to get it because I had a failing hip.

If that looks like it hurt, it did.

If that looks like it hurt, it did.

 

Yeah, surgery was not fun.  There was a hole next to that large incision because a draining tube was in there, to make sure I did not have a build up of gross fluid building up inside of the wound after I had parts of my bones cut off and replaced with plastic and metal.  I haven’t had a full size x-ray film to take a photo of since surgery, but I have seen that fake joint in there, on a tiny x-ray in my chart with the orthopedic surgeon, and i will eventually get a larger one.  I will not be getting a MRI on that hip ever again though.  I wonder if I will be able to get a MRI for any part of my body now.

photo_02

 

The wound did heal up nicely, but there is still a depression where that drain tube was, and the scar feels weird, parts of it nearly numb because some nerves were inevitably cut in the operation.  Such a deep wound did not seem to take very long to heal, and I was so very careful about not dislocating the new hip that I probably still don’t use it as hard  or normally as I could.

I still catch myself limping when I don’t have to, fearing that eventually if I walk enough the old pain will return.  There is still pain, but it is different, and not quite as severe.  My mental issues are more of a block to me than this hip is at times, but then again, my body still tries to act like the hip is a problem, since I could not use it for so long that my left leg actually got physically smaller than the right one.

At least I was able to have medical weed before and after surgery though.  I did not have it right after surgery, although that would have been nice.  I should have considered getting my hands on a vaping solution before i got surgery, so I could have gotten high right in the hospital on the down low after surgery.

I did get to smoke in the 2nd week after surgery, when I had a friend sneak some weed and a pipe into the rehab place I was at.  It was kind of a nursing home, my room mate seemed to have had a massive brain injury at some point, and he would talk about having a vagina and a baby on a regular basis.

I wanted to visit him after I got out, and I had to go back to do some paperwork, but I didn’t.  I wanted to get out of there as soon as my business there was finished, even after I said repeatedly that I would use that opportunity to see that guy.  I think I was still guilty about leaving him there, even though he is literally not my problem.

I felt like i helped him to talk more when I was there interacting with him, and I felt badly for abandoning him now that he seemed to be more focused and “present”.  I still have to let that go, it’s not my job, I have my own issues to deal with now that my hip is not my constant excuse to be physically careful, or at least for much longer I think.

I have to wonder if doing a little medical weed would have helped him, but then again, this facility was strictly non smoking, even in an outside courtyard where I was able to sneak it anyway.  Maybe someone knew, and could smell it, or maybe even saw me do it out of a window, but nobody confronted me, and I wanted out of there so badly after I voluntarily put myself there to prevent injuring myself by trying to do too much.

100_8022o2

 

Now that I’m able to get a bag legally, I can barely afford it!  There is the issue where trying to buy a whole ounce at a time does not make it cheaper anymore, when they try to sell you two half ounces for the half ounce price and won’t give you any discount on volume.  I know, that is the “old days” I guess.  One casualty of the now legal means in which I can buy and own weed without freaking out and being paranoid about it.  On the other hand, I can’t brag too openly about it though, because I don’t want anyone to think I have enough to make it worth harassing me about it.  I don’t sell it, I just take my little card to the local dispensary, one opened up right next to the apartment at some point!

Inyo fine cannabis dispensary

Inyo fine cannabis dispensary literally around the corner

 

This was some surprise to me, when I saw the signs, after the place had already opened up.  I went in and got a gram just because, I could not believe that it had finally happened.  I mean, i was walking in to my very first legal, physically “real” weed dispensary, and it had actually opened up remarkably close to where I was living.

 

100_8106o

 

Yeah, I was pretty surprised when I could go over there and walk out with a jar full of weed, a whole ounce, and not the crappy stuff that I was getting when I lived in Louisiana.  This was high grade medical stuff, and even the “cheapest” of that stuff is still amazing and much better than anything I was used to for my entire life before having access to this.

100_8103o

 

I was so shocked to go into a “store” and walk out with a “jar of weed” and it was all legal, and further, my right to treat my pain the way I had become used to was finally validated, after a lifetime of living in the shadows, paranoid of getting busted, worried about getting a record, and worried about how harsh the state of Louisiana would be because they seem to want to lock EVERYBODY up.

100_8109o

Right now, down in the state shaped like a boot, synthetic weed carries the same penalties for real weed, from what I read recently, but who knows if that’s true?  I know Billy the exterminator, the guy with that show I don’t watch, got busted in some not so cheap hotel in the Courtyard Marriott in Benton, Louisiana with fake weed and he went to real jail…  I won’t go to jail, and I have jars of freaking weed, well, one at a time, there is a 2.5 ounce limit and I never come that close.  I’m not rich y’all!

100_8111o

 

I know there was a whole jar there at one point, but I took my time getting around to taking the photo!  There are 2 more jars that I did take the time out to share though!  Next time, the jar gets a photo nearly full of weed, along with a receipt just in case it tries to fade like other receipts from other places have in the past.

100_7990o

 

The fire alien super skunk was amazing, but it’s hard to tell the difference between this, the herojuana, and the “outer space” that I got later on.  It is just all so good and gets me so very high!

100_7989o

 

These big jars of medical weed are pretty, smell nice, and create an amazing high.  The herojuana was an indica hybrid, whatever that means, no, really, I need to study this stuff.  I know that there are indicas and sativas, and there is this big difference between the two, if you can actually tell once you are high I guess. 🙂

one tiny lil sebastian bud in between two fire alien super skunk buds

one tiny lil sebastian bud in between two outer space buds

 

With cute names like lil sebastian and outer space, it’s no wonder it has taken so very long for the industry to reach specific standards and be taken seriously.  Then again, weed has always been “underground” because it has been illegal for so very long, in fact, it still is on a federal level as of this writing, even if the feds seem to lay off people in states who legally obtain weed with a medical card, like I have.

420

 

This card expired in early 2016, but I have a new one that was renewed, and I will get it renewed again, but the 3rd time I get this card it will be a hell of a lot cheaper!!!  When I got the card, there was only a handful of doctors who would sign a recommendation, but that all changed when the dispensaries opened up everywhere!  It seems that I was right, once more dispensaries were in existence, or at least ONE, there would be much more push to get more doctors to sign those recommendations, because the new dispensaries NEED CUSTOMERS!

 

100_8010o

 

This weed was called “outer space” and as far as I’m concerned, it sent me to outer space just as thoroughly as the “fire alien super skunk” or the “lil sebastian” or the “herojuana” or any of the many strains that I was getting before I knew what I was getting at all because it came in a plastic bag after a transaction in a parking lot!

outer space popcorn buds are so pretty even in the package

Outer space popcorn buds are so pretty even in the package.

 

When I go to list some of the strains of weed that I have been so lucky to get to try in the “tags”, I think it is so awesome that I have finally gotten to match a name with the high, instead of just getting some generic random baggy with a bunch of buds in it that I knew were the right weight, but I knew nothing other than what it weighed, because I could measure that.  I rarely if ever thought to ask about the name of a strain, but I knew that the person could just make it up.

 

100_8019o

 

Outer space popcorn buds seems to look kind of purple when photographed with no flash.  It’s still bright green with a flash, and maybe hints of purple here and there between the green.  It’s so pretty, but it’s all going to burn no matter how nice it looks.  There is an exception to that though, if you are going to eat the weed, but not really eating weed, but an extract put into candy.

gedc4248o

 

I like this one, “bears on clouds”.  The only problem is that I wasn’t on clouds after eating it.  I didn’t really feel anything at all, but I am so used to smoking weed, and, if I had smoked any before eating this, I would have just felt whatever I smoked.  I believe that I held out and did not smoke before eating one of these, but then again, I probably would have smoked recently enough before eating this so that I still had residual THC higher than what’s in this thing.  The label had more info though.  Still don’t help me.

gedc4249o

 

Yeah, 25mg, I’m just as lost as if I was trying to figure out exactly what I would feel like after a shot of 40 “proof” vodka in a glass half full of “tampico” juice.  You know that’s not really juice.  It goes so damn good with vodka though, right?  Anyway, I have a pretty good idea how I might feel after 4, 5 and then 6 ice beers that are 5.9% alcohol, but I have not drank vodka in so very long, I can only assume that one shot would feel like one beer once consumed in a mixed drink.  I can’t assume anything though, because after the first shot, each drink would be a double, and then I would start diluting with water but still hitting the vodka, and worst of all, with kool aid, probably pink lemon aid or just plain lemon aid.

100_7899o

You have to keep that pipe clean, or you are just slapping yourself right in the nuts.  A good way to waste good weed is to try to smoke it through a pipe that has some tiny hole air is sometimes going through.  Burning it so that the stuff liquefies and then sucking through a gurgling, bubbling mess is not going to help either.  I’ve got a system now involving 2 jars, one with rubbing alcohol in it, and the pipe can just soak overnight and a q-tip is more than enough to clean it out.  You need some alcohol soaked wet wipes though to clean your hands after dealing with this stuff, it’s horrible.  Just imagine my lungs!  Geez! LOL

100_7848o

 

Yes, I did get it renewed.  I have already had the address changed once, so they sent me a 2nd card, which is cool because usually they ruin the previous one when you get a renewal.  They are so uptight, they don’t even take the ID they issue as proof of ID when you go to the DMV to get an ID… Yeah, if it sounds confusing, just wait until you have to go in there with 2 things that have been mailed to you, and they have to be important, not junk mail.  Then you don’t get a card right there, it’s mailed to you.

That was a real pain when the mail boxes at the apartment got broken into, and I had to take a bus to a post office several miles away to pick up mostly junk with a few important things, like Candy’s fucking ID.  But, it is done, mission accomplished, don’t have to do that again.  I do have to go back to that post office again though because those boxes are still fucked.  I guess it’s even more secure to get mail at the post office than these fucking boxes with the fucking delinquents running around that apartment complex.

gedc4357o

 

I have had the opportunity to smoke some pretty exotic weed in the last few months, or over the course of the last year and a half.  For the first six months that I had a weed card I was still going through a dealer that I was grateful to know.  The prices got much cheaper through the dispensaries though and I was able to pick exactly what I wanted, or I should say, let Candy pick what she wanted, because I still split it with her and she picks the strain.  I just have to hope she keeps it cheap, which she has been, she’s getting just as cheap as I am lately. 🙂

gedc4256o

 

Long buds, short buds, green buds, purple buds, it’s all so good.  I can barely tell them apart, especially if I start drinking that 5.9% alcohol ice beer I was talking about before.  Sometimes a local convenience store gets a deal on some nearly expired craft beer and it can go as high as 8% alcohol.  That totally kicks my ass, I can’t really do a whole six pack of those but sometimes I have mistakenly tried.  I was taking tramadol back then too!  I have quit doing all the pills, or I should say “any” pills, because I only did 2 for pain to begin with.  Any xanax was donated to me and taken as I received it, so I am not “in possession” of it.  That shit is good, but I can’t do it very often at all!

100_7773_o

 

This beer was amazing, and I can only barely remember it.  I did take a photo of the label though, and it was 8% alcohol.  For a beer, that is powerful.  That’s why the ice beers are so popular, and why they always put “5.9% alcohol” right on the packaging.  They are bragging because they know cheapskates like me are looking for that high alcohol content!

gedc2149o

 

You can almost see the alcohol content.  I must truly love drinking.  I know that the alcohol lobby probably has something to do with the fact that weed is still largely illegal in most states, and currently as I write this, on a federal level.  I also know that it’s not just big alcohol, it’s big pharma, big police unions, big correctional unions, and the power of old people to grasp onto and never let go of status quo.  I hope for a future when people are not being locked up for a freaking plant, but this is the good old U S of A we’re talking about.  Home of the free and the brave, and the highest incarcerated population of any country in the world.  Yes, the entire world.  That world includes Russia and China in my reality, so maybe we should stop making them out to be the big villain all the time at this point.

sushi yo!

 

So much sushi, so little time.  I love sushi, but I can’t really afford it.  It’s a good thing that I have seemingly proved my usefulness with a few very special people, so that this seems to happen every once in a while, and I’m told that I actually deserve it.  I know I’m very lucky, as long as the thread holding my reality together at the seams holds.  If just one segment anywhere important breaks, there is a shitload of trouble coming my way, and all I can do is attempt to brace myself, or in the case of being drunk, not brace myself for whatever comes.

endless shrimp at red lobster yo!

 

Maybe it’s this “endless shrimp mentality” that is causing people to remain so comfortable with the status quo.  There is no reason to keep putting up with the kind of massive injustice that exists in this society, except, it’s just easier to go along, which is actually my philosophy, except for what my fingers decide to type now and then.  If my writing is a rebellion against good writing, it’s also a rebellion against the blind acceptance of the status quo.  I have a fully viewable but still accepting it perception of the status quo.  I may actually register to vote for the first time ever just to vote yes on question 2, which is to basically legalize weed in the state of Nevada, where i live now that I ran away from Louisiana so long ago.  I beat another flood in Baton Rouge this time!

lobster about to get straight up killed yo!

 

I like to watch my food cower in fear before I eat it!  I guess I can’t keep complaining because I have it pretty good, I’m really lucky, and I have just enough friends to get by without getting fucked over, so far.  I want to thank everyone in my life that helped me to refuse to get hip surgery for months and then finally talk me into it in the “last minute rush” to get that appointment when I finally got cut on.  I almost TURNED DOWN THAT APPOINTMENT.  Now I’m glad I didn’t.  I was a little different for a few years that I was in so much pain.  I don’t think medical weed was really enough to help.  I was a real asshole on many occasions, and sometimes I wonder if I was being pushed additionally by the creeping, slowly growing pain in my hip before I got surgery.  Now I watch people I care about suffer because I know that nobody is going to give them this surgery.

dream big... um... yo!

 

I love producing and delivering random content and trying to call it art.  I think it is, but I wonder sometimes, if it was such a good thing that bbw and even ssbbw content became such a regular thing all the sudden.  Like, it’s a very weird trade off with what’s going on.  It’s like fat all the sudden became “ok” with a big woman as long as she is “DTF” in the process of already being big.  I should not and will not get into all of that.  I deleted every post that I created over years because of posts that included comments about women that I myself later felt may be offensive.  I have to change the subject, but I also had to put this photo here and point out the irony.  I am buzzed by now, and I wasn’t when I started this post.  Maybe I saved it to “drafts” because I thought that it needed input from drunk me.

life in the big city... um... yo...

 

I knew what I was in for when I moved to the “big city” of fabulous Las Vegas.  So far, I kind of like it, but then again, I only go out in the daytime and I have not been seriously assaulted yet, so who knows what will happen to my opinion of this place?  I know that I have to accept the over all outcome, which is, I met someone that I believe I was supposed to meet, even if it has NOT BEEN EASY AT ALL TO GET USED TO THE DIFFERENCE.

yo, mountains

 

Life in the big city, with mountains all the way around me, as if I am waiting for water to just fill this place up and wash it away.  it’s beautiful in ways, it’s ugly in ways, it is what it is, and I live here because I chose it, rather than just being dragged somewhere as a baby by someone else and then deciding that I should grow up and die in the very same place myself.

endless houses in the background of a fake house yo...

I’m going to publish this, instead of letting it sit in drafts, and I may come back and do a part 2, but for now, this should just go up as it is… Thanks… I still don’t want to delete this domain name as I let all kinds of others just kind of vanish, or turn into Japanese spam sites, like bbwglamour.com.  LOL

eat yo beets, yo!

Eat those beets!  Oh, I know that there is no way to understand scale and know how large my incision was…

incision!  gross!

take me to the hospital

0

The title is a popular song by the electronic band Prodigy, and it’s an awesome song on it’s own, but I have a memory of being taken to the hospital, where I still get a bill every month that I spitefully pay just $5 a month on for that ride.  I didn’t get charged by the hospital, luckily, but the freaking ambulance company is up my ass about a ride they are charging me over $700 for.  The cab ride back to the apartment from the hospital was under $20 with tip.

I got to talk to someone else recently who has endured this kind of thing.  Calling out for help sometimes gets you in even more trouble than you started out with.

me in paper, so stylish

me in paper, so stylish

In this photo I look like I am a psycho nursing assistant or something, but it’s actually a patient “uniform” when you get checked in to the ER at Earl K Long in Baton Rouge for a psychiatric evaluation.  Never call a suicide hotline while drunk!  More importantly, make a cop take you to the hospital because you will end up with a bill over $700 for a ten minute ambulance ride!

Now I could probably try to get medicaid to pay that, but I don’t want them to get the cash that quickly.  I don’t think it’s right for people to get carted off in an ambulance when they could take the ride in a cop car.  I really should have refused the ambulance and someone should have offered a ride, but then again, I didn’t push it, so nobody threatened to “take me to jail” if I didn’t go in the ambulance.

I know a cop could have taken me, even if they had to cuff me, but then again, if the ones who showed up were too lazy, the one that did put me in a car would have probably threatened jail just to get me into the ambulance.  I was drunk and depressed, in that “drunk crying” mode.  I was allowing myself to literally shake with anxiety because in my mind, this was the potential start for a much longer journey than just the hospital trip.

I wasn’t sure at all about what it would be like, or how long they would really keep me, or what kind of accommodations I would find at wherever they were taking me.  I didn’t know if I should expect the kind of thing I see in the movies, or if it would be worse.

When I got there, I was admitted, and they tested my urine and gave me ativan because the figured I was a pretty high level alcoholic to have that level, and they didn’t want to deal with seizures if I was physically dependent.  Luckily, even though I have been drinking about six years, I still never got to the point where I could handle the kind of amounts that they were probably assuming.

I am lucky to have the background and history of smoking as much weed as I did, because I have read somewhere that it helps prevent seizures that can potentially come from sudden abstinence from alcohol after several years of using it regularly.

I was in a weird mood when I started this post, probably buzzed, and I even used that photo of me in the paper suit while I was creating the first draft.  I would say I’m “not feeling it” anymore, but something kept me coming back to this post in an effort to figure out what I was ranting about this time.

I know that I didn’t appreciate having a $700 plus bill show up in the mail after going through such an ordeal as putting myself in that situation in the first place.  Then I had to go to the hospital and show them my actual financial state at the time so that they didn’t hit me up for over $1200.  That would have been over 2 grand for making one drunk fucking phone call!

At least I didn’t get caught trying to drive while fucked up because commercials out here in Nevada indicate they will take $10,000 from you by the time it’s all said and done, and you lose your car and license, unless they are figuring that all in with that horrible threat.

I’ve posted enough about “luck” and that didn’t have anything to do with never getting caught driving while fucked up.  I actually have an anxiety about trying to get behind the wheel even if I have been drinking a little bit, because I know very well that if some a-hole pedestrian walks out in front of you, it’s their fault if you are sober but your fault if you are fucked up.

That makes no fucking sense to me whatsoever.  I mean, if some drunk guy hits a bus stop, like one just did recently very close to where I happen to live, he should get slapped with the harshest punishment available.  He fucking killed somebody.  At the same time, nearly every week, some asshole tries to cross the street in total darkness in the exact point between intersections where they should not fucking be crossing.  Add to that if they are drunk and wobbling all over the place while trying to cross the road in total darkness, and you can guess that Darwin’s law will prevail, and that asshole will be another statistic shown on the news.

Most of the time, those suicidal pedestrians are taken out by people who happen to be *TOTALLY FUCKING SOBER* and very lucky to have been on that occasion.  In those cases, the drivers aren’t charged, because the cops know you CAN’T FUCKING SEE THESE PEOPLE IN THE DARK.  If, on the other hand, the driver happens to have had as little as a few beers, then criminal charges come into the picture.

That’s why I am scared to drive drunk.  I’m not scared I would cause an accident, I’m scared that some idiot would cause an accident and then I am still at fault because I happened to be drunk.  Because of this, I don’t drive drunk myself, but I am not so militant about drunk drivers.  If I lost a loved one to a drunk driver, I still would not occupy my time or energy in pursuing “every other drunk driver on the planet”.  Those people do that so they don’t go buy a gun and take out the *one drunk driver* that really matters “to them”. 🙂  I know, dark.

I am not just lucky, but work hard at keeping myself as safe as possible when I am fucking around with a drug as dangerous as alcohol.  I like getting drunk, but I understand and respect the power of that drug, and I know that it’s ironic that out of all the drugs on the planet, this is the one “they” chose to sedate us with.

I really wonder how and why they could not have encouraged the use of marijuana over alcohol because it is so much less dangerous.  Then, I remember that they only made marijuana illegal in the first place because they were racist and wanted an easy way to lock up as many minorities as they could.  I have read that it started with Mexicans, but it worked so well for them that they kept the law in place for blacks.  I am guessing that crack was a real boom to police unions and private prison investors, as well as a big win for racists everywhere who want to continue to lock up more people than any country in the world.

I also keep in mind how big pharma and big alcohol love the lack of competition from this meek little harmless plant.  Occasionally, now that the walls are coming down against the removal of marijuana prohibition, people are trying to lump in pot smokers with alcoholics, and I am kind of offended, even though I happen to be both at the same time.

I know that if pot would have been legal, I never would have started using alcohol regularly in the first place.  I have to wonder how many investors in big alcohol know this for a fact, and are close to knowing an exact statistic of how many regular customers they would not have if weed was legal.

I also wonder how much cancer could have been prevented or slowed down from killing so many people if weed was legal, since it has been proven that weed does inhibit tumor growth.  I have read that this was discovered way back in the 70’s, but the information was suppressed because they were trying desperately to find something *wrong* with weed but just couldn’t.

In fact, I failed to mention how genesis 1:29 in the freaking bible says that God created all plants for man to use as food.  Hemp happens to be perfectly nutritionally balanced, and yet, the christians are not in an uproar that this “sacred plant food” has been taken away from us.

I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for the “food network” to talk about the merits of weed being the “perfectly balanced food” because they are so mainstream and busy slinging  out the pro alcohol propaganda while they conveniently act like weed doesn’t exist.  There is a “cocktail” recipe in nearly every show, with real alcohol, but they act like they have never heard of “marijuana edibles”.

I have to wonder how many people never would have resorted to overdosing on prescription medication if they never went to pills because they stayed happy with a little weed every day.  I have to wonder how many people are in serious pain, and being denied those same pills even when a doctor orders them, because some dickhead at some pharmacy looked them over and labeled them a “drug addict”, even though they are %100 fucking legit.

All that makes me hate big pharma even more.  if the drugs they  make aren’t killing you, you are left dying in pain because the masochistic pharmacist doesn’t want to give you the shit that a real fucking doctor said you should have.

I don’t know, I like to say “I’m not crazy, this fucking reality is out of it’s fucking mind crazy.”

Of course, that is a typical statement of someone who is bat shit crazy, to assume that they are normal and the rest of the world is just fucked in the head.

In my case, when I look around at the world, and see comments people make online about different things, I really start to wonder if everybody is really fucked up in just one small way, and they are only functional because they can hold down that little bit of crazy long enough to get out of the public eye and express it in some kind of fucked up ritual.

I am happy just smoking a little weed, but that was “too much to ask”, before moving 2000 miles and going to a doctor for x-rays that show I need a hip replacement at the age of 46, and I am going to suffer in pain until it is replaced.  If I still lived in Louisiana, they would be giving me fucking tylenol for this massive occasional hip pain.  Louisiana can forever suck my balls.

Even now, I consider how after surgery, I will probably be given some heavy duty shit, and because I have long hair, the dickhead at the pharmacy might deny me of it when I really need it.  On the other hand, I have a history with my pharmacist, and I don’t go in there all nervous, anxious, and itchy, bitching if there is any delay on my precious fucking pills.  I have been in there and watched the kind of people they have no choice but to turn away.  At the same time, the local news makes a big deal out of people who have had to go to up to 30 pharmacies to get one medication, and one of those fuckers was in a fucking wheelchair!

When I said “take me to the hospital” a little part of me had given up.  I reached a kind of “rock bottom” that didn’t require a televised intervention or even the participation of family and friends.  At the time, my family was literally scared of me more than they were scared for me, and my “friends” were pretty shitty and fucked up themselves at the moment.

I had nobody to turn to but myself, and while I did check in for a 3 day holiday, it was really educational.  After all the alcohol I had abused, it wasn’t until I was on ativan that I managed to see from a slightly different perspective, and pull my head out of my ass long enough to finally start to straighten out all the shit that was fucked up with my life.

In a way, the visit to the hospital did absolutely nothing to improve my “condition” on it’s own.  The medication combined with the intense boredom of being stuck with nobody to talk to but yourself was enough to change my perspective to the point where I realized that I either had to figure out a guaranteed way to take myself out, or I had to figure out a way to maximize the potential I have for growth and development in the future.

I think that a spiteful part of myself wanted to get back out there into “reality” just to see how much trouble I could cause without getting into trouble myself.  In a way, I think I am still doing that.  My work is pretty unique, because there aren’t many super sized, or super morbidly obese women who are approaching 500lbs who literally suck and fuck on the internet.

I had to sober up “just enough” to get a job, to keep the apartment, to meet a few women, to build my confidence, to get Candy back, to get back to work doing what I was meant to be doing all along.

In a way, my life is even more crazy now than it was when I was just drinking myself to sleep every time I woke up.  I was boring, typical, useless alcoholic.  Now, i create content that is just raunchy enough that it stands out against the competition just enough to pay me just enough to make me want to keep creating it.

I am kind of taking money away from other people who are doing the same thing.  Every dollar I make I am grateful for because it’s a dollar someone could have spent somewhere else, but didn’t.  I realize that everybody and their grandmother, LITERALLY, are trying to make a dollar in the adult realm online.

There are granny phone sex chicks that are super sized but don’t even use that to their advantage, or just started to recently, which gets them into modeling.  That’s how I met and got started with Dia from bbwdungeon.com.  She was in phone sex, she was a SSBBW, and she didn’t think that she could market her real look in order to promote her phone sex.  Now women are doing it all the time.

I love saying “grannies” because I did some math and concluded that a woman is old enough to be a “granny” at just 32, if she had a kid at 16 and that kid had a kid at 16.  When you raise that to 18, you get 36.  If you raise it to 18, you get 42.  Candy happens to be 42 right now. 🙂  I have concluded that when Candy does hardcore content, it is not just SSBBW hardcore, it is actually SSBBW granny hardcore. 🙂

 

ssbbw candy godiva swallows

ssbbw candy godiva swallows

Being a ‘granny’ isn’t just for “parents” anymore. 🙂  Being a MILF probably doesn’t require having kids anymore.  Even if someone has biological kids, it doesn’t mean they have to have custody of said children when they do porn in order to be called a “MILF”.  I think that is just one of many “flattering” terms that have been given to fetishes and sexual preferences that don’t involve magazine cut out “allegedly perfect women”.

For example, “BBW” is supposed to mean “big beautiful women”, but I have often commented upon how the “beautiful” is easily disputable not only based on facial charisma, but on personality and general attitude.  In other words, there are some fat women out there who are just real bitchy cunts!  They really don’t deserve to use bbw no matter what they look like, but I like to call them “big bitchy women”. 🙂

So, the content that I create can get a little crazy, because all I have to do is cross over into a few more fetishes and it gets insane.  I put on a horse head mask for one video and so there is “mask play” and “pony play” as well as the already crazy combination of SSBBW granny porn.  If I toss some food in there on top of that, you have “feed me fuck me” ssbbw granny porn with mask play.

ssbbw sex with horsehead masked man

ssbbw sex with horsehead masked man

I don’t know, but maybe I just found a way to end this post, and justify the title “take me to the hospital”. 🙂

Also, this reminds me of how badly I want to do another SSBBW “feed me fuck me” hardcore clip and Candy has been procrastinating because she is fixated on the food she wants for feedee videos!

My life really is “crazy”. 🙂

 

Go to Top