Posts tagged feeder

SSBBW Market Saturation

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Well it had to happen sooner or later!  All that time with a regular pattern of updating a clips4sale store with a new clip in expectation of being able to pay certain bills with that money is now over.

clips4sale is sucking

Clips4sale revenue is officially in the TOILET

 

It’s a good thing that the website (exoticbbw.com) actually made MORE money than the clip store this month, because if it hadn’t, I would be in some deep shit financially.  As it stands, I have given in to the temptation to donate freaking plasma in order to be able to make up for the LOSS that clips4sale has generated at this point.

plasma donation scar

Plasmapheresis uses a BIG needle!

 

Regularly, there would be an attempt to upload at least one new feeder clip per week, and there were times when Candy might skip a week because she just wasn’t up to getting made up and filmed doing something that she loves doing so much.  Even if Candy really enjoys binging, being filmed while she does it seems to take away some degree of enjoyment for her.

Candy is over it

Sometimes Candy doesn’t want to be filmed eating. SHOCK!

 

This is ironic, because over the past couple of years, Candy would make the sacrifice in binging in front of a camera knowing that she would not enjoy it quite as much, for the sake of being able to financially support the types and amounts of food she wanted to enjoy.

so long sushi

Sushi is NOT CHEAP FREELOADERS!

 

Now, with clips4sale generating a revenue of about $50 per clip (6 clips this month), it is obvious that Candy will have to go CHEAP on the food, which means no more big feasts, at least until something changes with this crappy revenue from each clip.

cheap food

Hello CHEAP FOOD

 

Something has changed over there at clips4sale, and I am not quite sure what it is, but something has seriously been altered, shifted, edited, cancelled, or something.  Some form of advertising or promotion that they used to employ must have completely collapsed, because over the past few months, income dropped dramatically, and it has stayed at the same low level even though there was an attempt at adding 6 clips in one month instead of just 4.

Great for 2 or 3 stores, FUCKED for us...

Great for 2 or 3 stores, FUCKED for us…

 

I have come to the realization that sites like facebook and twitter are pretty much useless to promote anything now.  Candy and I used to have a term “ya-losers” which represented the losers on yahoo who would compliment and beg for free stuff YEARS AGO.  They thought that a little flattery could get them some free content, because for whatever reason, they decided that since yahoo was free, everything that is promoted on yahoo should be free too.  That graphic above shows how there are winners and losers in this business, and if you aren’t “sinfully divine” you are basically FUCKED right now on clips4sale as a SSBBW, or “super fatty” or as Candy calls them “blob chicks”.

I love to give away OTHER PEOPLE'S SHIT!

I love to give away OTHER PEOPLE’S SHIT!

 

Now, that has moved over to twitter losers and facebook losers, asking for “chat” and wanting to have their email read to Candy, in the hopes that being told for the thousandth time she is “so sexy” will have her offering to sit for hours in chat with some loser who isn’t spending one penny for her time.

In twitter, there is a monster machine of compliment and flattery, which would be awesome if that kind of thing paid one cent towards any bills that were covered by the clips4sale income.  At this point, all the compliments are more annoying than flattering, because as we watch revenue go down, we realize that a majority of people who try to contact Candy at all are usually the wankers that want free shit, not the people who paid for a clip, got off to it, and went on with their fucking life.

Porn used to be something that was sold in a seedy type of bookstore downtown, and the customers did not interrogate the store clerk about “When was this made?” and “How much does she weigh right now?”  These new questions and concerns came from some assumption that porn will be “interactive” and every time some jerk off pays $15 for a clip, they should get a half hour or more of free chat in the process.  Some want to play “20 dumb ass questions”, and some even ask about free “video chat”!  What a bunch of losers.

Are you buying ANYTHING?

Are you buying ANYTHING?

Now, I have started using the hashtag #freeloadingfeeders because as much as they seem to compliment Candy’s work, even calling her “legendary”, they are doing it in forums where more than a dozen clips are shared freely at a time.  I just had to get a bunch of shit removed from a file sharing service that is in Taiwan, and fortunately they actually took the shit down when I filled out a DMCA complaint form.  It took a few days, but that shit is gone now, and I will be keeping an eye on the fucking blog that keeps posting this free shit.

I WILL get my shit DELETED!

I WILL get my shit DELETED!

 

I’m sure that many other blogs post the same links, so the actual blog is not important, what’s important is that I am WATCHING now, and I will keep filling out that DMCA form anywhere and everywhere I see my shit distributed for free.

They make it EASY for me to get my shit DELETED

They make it EASY for me to get my shit DELETED

 

It figures that I was ok with a “little piracy” when it was promotional and it helped me make more money with my work.  Now, I realize that all the free shit out there is basically over-riding the need to pay for anything, because there are at least 3 to 5 “Candy replacements” out there now, doing all the same shit over and over.   Some have whole groups of fatties who get together and work out some kind of deal to split up all that “money” they WON’T BE MAKING.

Maybe they just do it for fun now, or just for the food.  Candy has located at least one SSBBW out there who loves to binge on cam so much she does it right on youtube absolutely free.  This is exactly what we needed to help boost our sales!

Maybe someone's channel needs to have an ACCIDENT

Maybe someone’s channel needs to have an ACCIDENT

 

People seem to believe that porn will just keep rolling out no matter how much money it generates, but that is simply not the case.  I understand totally now why so many models QUIT EVENTUALLY as I talked about in another blog post in the past.  Sure, there will always be free shit, but YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR and that shit is pathetic, but hey, whatever.

There is no more incentive to keep creating this stuff if there is no money being made from it, period.  Watch as this economy keeps dropping into the shitter, and see how many of these lovely fat women quit doing this shit because it is NOT WORTH THEIR TIME FOR FREE.

Time to pull out the PANHANDLING UNIFORM

Time to pull out the PANHANDLING UNIFORM

 

People will keep producing stuff, and I guess eventually, there will just be a few conglomerates or REALLY POPULAR FATTIES that keep going because they are the ones who are still making some money.  In the meantime, I get hit with alleged compliments that are REALLY INSULTS because people are TOO FUCKING DUMB TO REALIZE THAT WE DON’T APPRECIATE PEOPLE STEALING OUR SHIT OR WATCHING IT FOR FREE.

Some people are TOO DUMB NOT TO ADMIT STEALING FROM YOU...

Some people are TOO DUMB NOT TO ADMIT STEALING FROM YOU…

 

Either way, there is a quit date on the horizon at this point.  I appreciate the money that was made in the time that it was made, but I don’t fucking work for free.  Candy doesn’t either.  Now that she sees the money going down, she feels somewhat insulted and it is doubly difficult for her to stomach making any kind of sacrifice in vein.  She would rather binge off cam because “Fuck that shit it’s not going to make money anyway.”

They build you up to KNOCK YOU DOWN

They build you up to KNOCK YOU DOWN

 

So, the freeloading feeders can keep asking “How big is Candy?” and shit like that, and they will keep getting either ignored, or told to shut the fuck up and buy a fucking clip to find out.  Odds are, if they are asking, it’s because they DON’T WANT TO BUY ANYTHING anyway.  That is leading me to assume that the d-bags that ask me shit are the least likely to spend cash, so they should fucking be ignored.  The ones buying the shit are wanking to it and going on with their life, because they actually have one.  The ones chatting me or Candy up are the losers that are “too good to pay for porn” or something.

Hey Candy, a BIG FAN wants to chat!

Hey Candy, a BIG FAN wants to chat!

 

I think I’ve gotten most of my irritation with all this out of my system now, but it should be noted in a very public way that I am working on something really cool to do that makes me money in the future, and I’ll be very happy not to depend on the fickle nature of porn and it’s “fans”.  I can see why some people who have quit porn are so irritated by it, and by the shadow of former fame that continues to follow them even though the MONEY DOESN’T.

All that money! NOT!!!

All that money! NOT!!!

 

I used to walk around looking at women, thinking to myself “Wow, that one would get a great reaction online!” and now I realize that I would never want to condemn someone else to the pitiful fate of being led on with some regular cash at first, then the disappointment and let down of making less and less because of so many women and their grandmothers, literally, jumping into the porn and/or tease game.  I even got to meet one woman who has an impressive body that I KNOW people would love to see at all angles doing all kinds of “adult” things… Well, that SHIT ISN’T HAPPENING so this body is ALL TO MYSELF, FREELOADING FUCKS!

So awesome you won't see her FOR ANY AMOUNT OF CASH

So awesome and you won’t see her FOR ANY AMOUNT OF CASH

 

I even had this woman ask me flat out if there was any way I could sneak her into my work without giving up her identity, and I was like “Fuck that shit, these d-bags will have your shit all over the place trying to figure out who you are, so fuck them, it’s not worth the whole $10,000 you MIGHT make per year showing off, then watching that dwindle down to EVEN LESS OVER TIME.  This shit has me wishing that I had used all the free time I had to figure out another way to make better money doing something that didn’t cater to such a group of low life freeloaders like porn surfers.

Maybe I'll learn to grow WEED

Maybe I’ll learn to grow WEED

 

Yeah, I said it, and believe me, the most popular SSBBW making the most money is THINKING THE SAME THING.  They are just smart enough not to say anything online (or maybe not when it comes to the freeloaders).  Either way, I don’t go to strip clubs, even if there are fat women, because it’s depressing and horrible to watch women beg these cheap mouth breathing freaks for cash (me included, I’m a cheap bastard too).

I know, “Tell us what you really think” right?  Well, that’s what I really think.  The people who have written to me asking this or that, pestering me for details that they could easily pay to see, are even more extremely irritating to me now that there is literally NO MONEY IN THIS SHIT ANYMORE.  All these new BBWs and SSBBWs want to jump into this shit because now it’s “ok to be a fat model”.

Yeah, I never thought I would wish for the days when more fat women hid themselves!  There was a GOOD REASON fat women were so HARD TO TALK INTO MODELING back in 1998 when I did my first fat porn website…  Now that there are just a dozen more than “internet capacity” the money has run out like a SSBBW PORN BUBBLE BURST.

Thanks a lot Tess, now EVERYFUCKINGBODY WANTS TO DO THIS SHIT

Thanks a lot Tess Holiday, now EVERYFUCKINGBODY WANTS TO DO THIS SHIT

 

Take it from me, when I see “she’s legendary” in the comments on a forum where my shit is being FLAT OUT STOLEN AND SHARED I get pretty offended, and Candy does too.  That’s why it is only a matter of time before this shit is not going to be produced anymore.  Fortunately though, I will STILL HAVE MY SHIT DELETED AS A FUCKING HOBBY just to irritate the fucking freeloaders.  I’m going to make my shit as rare as a Prince music video on fucking youtube, just for fun, out of spite to these freeloading fuckers.

FREELOADING BITCHES!!!!!!!

FREELOADING BITCHES!!!!!!!

 

I may seem kind of angry, but I’m watching a business I built back in 2003 go down the toilet.  Even worse, it was my SECOND ATTEMPT because that big bitch Alexis from fatfantasy.net basically stole my first SSBBW project away from my young dumb ass in 1998.  That makes it even worse, because had I been given the advantage of never having to FUCKING START OVER I may have been able to milk this shit for even more before EVERY FAT WOMAN AND THEIR GRANDMOTHER STARTED FUCKING MODELING.  Even worse, they can “barely model” at all and still suck out of that limited pool of fat jerk off money on the internet.

I should have TAKEN PHOTOS AND RAN FAR, FAR AWAY.

I should have TAKEN PHOTOS AND RAN FAR, FAR AWAY.

 

Now there are so many bbws that appear somewhere on the internet,  some bbws call themselves models when they have no website, and they have not formally appeared in any capacity.  Those are really “escorts” though, and that’s a whole other story because I am in Las Vegas, where you literally CAN’T THROW A STICK WITHOUT HITTING AN ESCORT.  So, the escorts call themselves “models” now trying to get around laws against prostitution.  Yeah, they AREN’T MODELS.  They will say they can “model for $300” but don’t be fooled, the cops will get them eventually.  It looks like the show “Cops” on television makes busting prostitutes seem more like a hobby than a “job”.

More SSBBW flesh than some "models" will EVER SHOW

More SSBBW flesh than some “models” will EVER SHOW

 

I’ve probably gotten all of this angst out of my system by now.  I’ll be having an interesting new year’s eve, and not quite what I would have imagined just 2 years ago.  So much has changed, and I have done a terrible job of documenting it better here.  I’ve had such an interest in writing, but I never really went anywhere with it.  Even this post is more like a bitch out session to the entire internet than a “regular blog post”, but that seems to be my “style” when I get busy typing.  It’s like therapy for me to get all this out, and while some people would not consider me very “professional” for doing it this way, I have never done anything business related exactly how other people would do things.  I do things MY WAY and I did not fail to make money for over a decade with that philosophy.

maybe a month in a mental ward would not be such a bad thing!

maybe a month in a mental ward would not be such a bad thing!

 

Now I am just a dinosaur in this realm though.  I don’t pull out a funnel to force feed, I don’t even get squashed regularly, and Candy doesn’t want to squash me because she doesn’t want to fuck me up for a clip that won’t make money anyway.

good thing either one of us did not know about "squashing" back then!

good thing either one of us did not know about “squashing” back then!

 

Candy was never one to do “whatever I told her”, she is independant, and she can be hard to work with as well.  It is no surprise that very few efforts to have her model with other people have been followed through on.  Candy has her own anxieties and her own hesitation when it comes to doing certain things and trying to model with other people.  Even if there were a line of people wanting to model with Candy, it would be difficult for her to make it happen unless the person was very likable AND persistent.  It would help if they didn’t have “some dude” start talking to Candy about modeling rather than the model herself, and it really isn’t going to happen if someone comes across as wanting or NEEDING shit.  A friend in need is a friend indeed… There is a good fucking reason for that saying, and I’ve had to learn it the hard way, thanks again Goddamn Patty…

Last never used SSBBW model, I'M STILL HOLDING OUT

Last never used SSBBW model, I’M STILL HOLDING OUT

 

Unfortunately, people with both of those qualities very rarely exist, it’s usually one or the other, and there is usually a giant AGENDA that rules over it all.  You just have to hope that the agenda they say they have matches the one they REALLY HAVE.  I won’t even get into the bullshit with “Goddess Patty” that never should have happened… Fucking con artist…  I’ve been told that the well known plus sized (some say SSBBW but she won’t) model Tess Holiday has ripped some people off before too, but it’s all forgiven, because she’s so popular and “likable” now.  Yeah, don’t believe everything you see on television, or movies, because those people can be con artists JUST LIKE ANYONE ELSE, and if they used to work in media and quit, DON’T BELIEVE THEM WHEN THEY TALK ABOUT A COME BACK.  That move is used to rip your ass off so quick you don’t see it until they left town.

Table to help determine people you should NOT be friends with.

Table to help people figure out who (NOT) to be friends with, apparently.

 

unexpected korean food

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Well, I was impressed yesterday with the delivery of some food that Candy ordered kind of by accident.  She was browsing this new listing on “grub hub” and it was a Korean, Japanese, and Chinese variety type of restaurant.  It was just out of curiosity that Candy would fill out a whole menu order, just to see how much it would cost to experiment a little bit with a food that she had never tried before.

The menu was impressive, and Candy was just playing around, so she picked out about $60 worth of stuff.  She believes that she would have just closed the window at that point, or switched to doing something else, but somewhere along the line, she must have hit “enter” or clicked the one button to complete the process.

I was glad that I was actually home at the time it arrived, because I had just been out to do an errand, and Candy would have not wanted to answer the door.  She would have been nude as well, so she would have had to travel all the way across the apartment and back in order to answer the door at all.

She would have probably assumed that the knock on the door was just a solicitation and ignored it, until they called her to tell her that the order was there and nobody was answering.  It never came to that though, the faint initial knock was heard from the kitchen just before Candy was about to make a B.L.T. and a fruit smoothie.

SSBBW Candy does Korean and Japanese food

SSBBW Candy does Korean and Japanese food

There was a moment of confusion at the door with the driver, because Candy never told me she ordered, so I asked her.  With the guy at the door, she’s like “I didn’t order anything.”  The guy looks at his phone and says her name, and verifies the apartment number.

I realized that Candy had probably already put down the cash on this, so it would be ridiculous to attempt to deny the order and send it back expecting a refund.  I told him that she just started a new medication and accepted the order.

Having been a delivery driver so many years into the past, you don’t want to be at the door with this kind of confusion going on, because it could be a much more sinister plot, and I know it would cause anxiety for him.  I made a snap decision based on the entirety of the situation, knowing that the food would end up getting tossed, and Candy would be pissed that the money wasn’t going to be refunded.

Candy had a moment of freaking out, where she was like “I don’t remember ordering that!”  She knew she had been playing around with that restaurant’s menu, but she swore up and down that she didn’t click “finish order”.  As a result, she took a credit card number off the site so she would be forced to endure the whole process of entering it before an order could possibly be made by mistake or subliminal “hangry” slip of the finger.

Candy had been waiting all day for the delivery of a device that would be used for breathing treatments.  For some reason, she put on make up early, and hours later, her eyes were burning with the eye liner she applied earlier.  She was impatient, hungry, and she really wanted to order a big selection of Mexican food.

I never understand how Candy wants to continue experimenting with Mexican food because she doesn’t really like cilantro very much.  Her taste palate is so very sensitive that she somehow picks up a “soapy” taste with that herb.  It is used very predominantly in Mexican food, so she is taking a calculated risk with each attempt to order it.

The restaurant that Candy was checking out was kind of expensive, almost unnecessarily so.  Japanese restaurants are not usually known for being very cheap, but the thought of Korean food makes me think that it should be more along the cost level of Chinese food.  Either way, Candy picked out some exotic things that she had never tried, but assumed she might like.

Going over the receipt online after consuming all of it, she would call out the cost of each item in amazement and disappointment for how little food there actually was.  Candy would express her regret by breaking down how she could have ordered food 3 different times for the cost of that 1 time, and it would have been an immense amount of food, if the type was a little less expensive!

Because of this expense, and because Candy had already mentally prepared herself to do a video eating Mexican food, she was ready to jump in there and consume the Korean and Japanese food for a video as if she had gotten exactly what she wanted, but she didn’t.

The food was really good, according to her, there was so little of it that I only had a teaspoon of broth that came with one of the dishes.  I was satisfied with that one taste because I could sample the flavor palate of that type of food for the first time in my life myself.  I’m not as driven to experience new and different foods as Candy is though, so I’m content with a can of tuna, some mayo, salt and pepper, a slice of cheese, and 2 pieces of toast smashed down into it so they soften up.

Without mentioning it repeatedly, all my teeth were removed in mid September of 2014, and the dentist fucked me over and tried to make a mold for dentures while I still had teeth.  It is March of 2015 and I am still fighting with insurance over those fucked up dentures.

That is only relevant in the fact that eating has changed so much for me in that time.  I can almost experience Candy’s wonder and satisfaction with new foods merely by filming her eating them.  Even more, watching the videos later in review and editing also seems to have the same effect.

I realize that mirror neurons are at work when people get off on porn, but I didn’t realize until I started creating feeder and feedee content that there also seems to be something at work in that arena as well.  By watching Candy eat these things, and enjoy them with such immense appreciation, I feel like I am enjoying them as well.  When she smiles big because she is about to tear into some huge feast that most people could not begin to eat, I can feel her excitement and anticipation as if I am her for that brief moment.

That’s probably crazy talk in and of itself, but after editing hundreds, or maybe thousands of videos, something has started to sink in over time.  I always thought I was destined to create “fat porn” the way I like it, the way I wish there was more of back when I was going through puberty and ordering VHS tapes in the mail with lawn cutting money.

Now, I have created thousands of hours of feeder content.  It wasn’t what I used to masturbate to, because I was always a fan of full on hardcore with visual penetration and hopefully a facial that the model doesn’t flinch or gag during. 🙂

I used to express frustration in the way that the very few SSBBWs participated in the creation of the content that I enjoyed watching for that purpose.  I wondered why they would veer off into more fetish areas like squashing, eating, and being dominatrix types.  I am surprised by my own vanilla tastes in porn considering how I am attracted to women who have a BMI that would be considered super morbidly obese.

I am not into immobile women either.  I had that whole experience with Alexis in Florida creating fatfantasy.net and biggerandbetter.net.  She was already on oxygen when I met her, and now Candy needs breathing treatments.  It really frightens me that she allowed this to progress to such a level, when I would have been happy creating hardcore content.  The truth is, she could never get as excited about making hardcore or even fetish content as she would be making feeder content.

Being as adaptive as I am, I would have sensed this eagerness to produce something rather than nothing, and I ran with it.  I am a classic enabler for that reason.  At least I am an unwilling enabler, so Candy knows that I will not encourage behavior that I know will hurt her over time.  I’ve read a lot of zodiac stuff lately because of Twitter, and from what I’ve seen, Aquarius are very future oriented.

I had this conflict of interests going on, between what I like to see, and what Candy wanted to do.  Candy would win, because she is already my volunteer subject, and I am grateful for her to do anything in front of the camera I operate.  She is the only one who does appear in front of my camera, and I believe it is not out of circumstance, but by choice.

I have experimented with the idea of working with other people, or bringing in other people to work with Candy, but unfortunately, that whole experience usually came along with some kind of sexual contact with people other than her.  For years she was cool with this type of situation, but back in 2008 I sensed that she was growing weary of it, and I stopped attempting to recruit new models.

Now, I realize that I still have the ability to recruit, and if anything, it’s like riding a bicycle.  Once you have had that experience of identifying and talking to the right potential candidates, it is so much easier than most people could imagine.  If i walked into a bar with a professional looking video camera after midnight, I would probably get flashed by a few women who just didn’t give a fuck.  That doesn’t mean they would model while sober, but the intent is there, and sometimes, all it takes is the right person to pull it out of them.

Now i have gotten way off course, but I started out wanting to describe one event, and I was hopelessly compelled to jump into a much more vast sea of thought.  I realize that is one of my writing weaknesses, and something I have to work on.  When I start writing though, I don’t always know exactly what direction I am going to go in when I start.

Blogging is such a string of consciousness type of writing, I never even usually do much more editing than the first draft.  I’m sure it shows, but like an episode of Saturday Night Live, there might be %20 of really relevant and interesting info, and about %80 of me trying to figure out what is interesting to me.

I scroll back up to the title, almost intending to change it, but “unexpected korean food” is catchy, and I like it.  This whole stream of thought began there, and I had this whole route I wanted to take, describing this food in intimate detail, maybe using this page as a notepad for remembering the foreign names to all these dishes that I have never tasted, and still haven’t.

What a segue back to the point, huh? 🙂

Candy is able to enjoy a virtual trip around the world by just eating from each country that is widely available in the diverse food climate of Las Vegas.  There is just about every type of food here that you can imagine, almost all available to order, and all catering to a diverse climate of tourists from all over the world.  I saw someone say on the show “No Reservations” that people come half way around the world to gamble in Las Vegas, and when they get hungry, as far as they are from home, they want to have a taste of it while they are here.

Because there are people coming to Las Vegas from all over the world, you don’t just have “Chinese food”.  You have authentic Chinese dishes that you never would have heard of at your local Chinese buffet.  There are dishes from Japan, China, and Korea all in one place, and they are all prepared in such an authentic manner as to impress people who just ate those dishes in those respective countries.

In the case of the mysteriously ordered Korean and Japanese food, I want to run down some of the dishes that Candy was able to sample, because I have just realized after needing to take a break to help Candy out with some stuff, I am spending a tad too much time here.

buta no kakuni

buta no kakuni

Candy really enjoyed this, and she should have, because the small platter with 3 or 4 pieces of pork and a piece of radish was kind of pricey.  I tried a teaspoon of the broth, and it was awesome, but there was no way I would be sampling meat from such a small selection available!  The restaurant where Candy obtained this says that it is 5 hour braised pork belly.  Sounds delicious!

buta no kakuni

buta no kakuni

The wider shot shows nearly all the meat that was in this tray, along with a close up view of what Candy is assuming was a piece of daikon radish.  Everything smelled so great, and Candy was able to finish off everything on the evening it was ordered, so I can tell she really did like it.  More information on that dish could be found here.

http://norecipes.com/recipe/buta-no-kakuni-recipe/

char siu porkbelly with steamed bun

char siu porkbelly with steamed bun

The next dish was Char Siu pork belly with steamed bun and baby spinach leaves with cucumber.  Candy really liked this one too, although again, this was a relatively small portion for the cost.  I don’t try to be cheap when it comes to the food that Candy really wants to try, but she is the one who is disappointed to see what looks like less food than one Chinese lunch special in 5 dishes worth $60.

Not being totally sure exactly how to eat it, Candy makes little sandwiches with the steamed buns and the pork, along with the little veggies too.  That worked out pretty good for her, she was using a steamed bun to wipe up the pork belly sauce from the bottom of that tray.

Here is some more info on char siu pork belly preparation.  This is where I realized that this dish is Chinese and Cantonese and not actually Korean, even though the place Candy ordered from had a Korean theme with Chinese, Cantonese, and Japanese dishes available.

http://rasamalaysia.com/char-siu/

karaage chicken with kewpie mayo and mixed salts

karaage chicken with kewpie mayo and mixed salts

Karaage is the name of a Japanese cooking technique where meat is deep fried in oil, just like french fries.  One dish that Candy ordered was karaage chicken with Kewpie mayo and mixed salts.  The technique is similar to tempura but obviously the batter is different, just like American fried chicken.  Candy enjoyed this just as much as she would have fried chicken, but I’m sure that she wished there was more of it there!  These little trays were pretty small as it is, the mayo and mixed salts nearly took up as much room as all the chicken.  There may have been five or six pieces of chicken in there, and Candy loved it, but she can tell that the Japanese tendency to eat smaller portions doesn’t seem to work very well for her.  Of course.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karaage

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mayonnaise#Japan

Korean galbi bbq short ribs

Korean galbi bbq short ribs

When I review all of the dishes, it appears that one was Japanese, another was Cantonese, and finally I get to a Korean dish.  I was totally misusing the hash tag Korean Food Pics on Twitter, my bad.  The small selection of galbi bbq short ribs was highly satisfying to Candy, but again, the portion size was a serious issue for her.  For the cost of this dish, she could have had me pick up an entire side of ribs and slap them in the oven, but again, this was more than just an eating experience, it was a cultural experience.  I had the opportunity to learn about this food just like she had the opportunity to eat it.

The ribs were cut thin, and served with white rice.  Candy didn’t need to use any of the mixed salts, Japanese mayo, or hot mustard on these.  They were quite tasty, and I noticed that she seemed to enjoy them to the degree that I had to stop everything and get more of a close up on her face as she ripped the meat from the bones with her teeth, eating with her cute fat little sausage fingers.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Galbi

wagyu beef, pork belly, and beef tongue kushi

wagyu beef, pork belly, and beef tongue kushi

The next and final plate was a 3 way of kushi.  I looked that up, and it’s a Japanese technique for cooking on skewers.  In the case of these 3 samples of kushi, they were all prepared over binchotan charcoal and served with mixed salts as well in the little tubs.  This is another dish that is actually Japanese inspired, if the name kushi was given to the preparation.  Yet another item that I attached to Korean food photos on twitter mistakenly because Candy just said “Korean restaurant” without telling me it was an Asian variety restaurant with a Korean theme.

There was wagyu beef kushi, which Candy really liked, and when I research it, this name is also associated with kobe, which is another cut of meat that you are going to be paying a bit more for than you would for domestic beef.  That’s why each one of these little entrees was around $8.  Again, this was an accidental order, and at the time she did it, she says she wanted Mexican food.  She still wants Mexican food, so that will probably be her next trip on her food around the world tour.  She won’t stop there though, she already has plans to explore each region in South America in the process.

Back to the kushi though, there was also pork belly kushi, and you know she loved that.  The final one was beef tongue kushi.  Candy mentioned that the beef tongue was kind of unique, and while she ate the hell out of it, that’s something she might not be so eager to go for in the future.  Pork belly is always a safe bet, because it’s basically bacon, and you know Candy loves some bacon.  The wagyu beef seemed kind of wasted on her, because she would have been just as happy with much larger chunks of domestic beef on more than 3 little skewers.

When I ask Candy to recollect exactly what she thought of these, she said that the only one she really liked was the wagyu beef.  She said the tongue was interesting, but she would not get it again.  I may have said that but I took a break and don’t feel like reading back.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kushi_(skewer)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Binch%C5%8Dtan

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wagyu

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pork_belly

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beef_tongue

ssbbw candy godiva and the japanese korean feast

ssbbw candy godiva and the Japanese Korean feast

It was a surprise when it showed up, but once it did, and Candy got over the shock of having accidentally ordered it, she consumed every single bite, even if some of these dishes were not her favorite ever.  This was an experience that was quite unique, because Candy often makes a plan for exactly what she wants to eat, and then goes about doing everything in her power to get it.  On this occasion, I wonder if her order was accidentally on purpose, because she was just curious about Korean food, and she did go to the effort of creating this exact order, even if she was playing fantasy football with food choices.

ssbbw candy godiva has an ice cream snack (peppermint)

ssbbw candy godiva has an ice cream snack (peppermint)

Candy was able to finish off that entire feast, although it was barely half of what one big Chinese lunch plate would include, or a crap load of burgers and fries, or so many chicken nuggets that Candy would never want to eat one again in her life.  That evening, after the last of the Japanese and Korean feast was finished, she still wanted something sweet.  Peppermint ice cream did the trick, while I waited on a data transfer to make more room on her C: drive.

This was a really fun experience, even if most of that day was spent doing work on other things while waiting on a delivery to show up, so that Candy could accidentally order food to show up even later, just before trying to cook something she thought she really wanted.  The day after this feast, Candy didn’t waste any time to whip up a BLT sandwhich along with a bowl of left over chili with beans over white rice.

Another blog post must come to an end, it seemed like it would never end, and I am the freaking one writing it! 🙂

 

fat admirer or sexual dimorphism

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One can’t control when inspiration hits, but one can attempt to use the time given to let it occur.

I have a problem with the term “fat admirer”.  Ever since coming across the natural phenomenon known as sexual dimorphism, I have become fascinated with the ways in which my sexual attraction is inter-woven with principles held dear by many species of animal, insect, and even plant.

Sexual dimorphism may be the one thing that helps me to feel as if my strong and very real attraction for the “super feminine” form of a super morbidly obese female is connected to nature itself, and several different species that share this planet with me, down to being just a few letters and numbers off from a DNA match to us.

The many terms that have been adopted by a seemingly “growing size acceptance movement” have neglected to take reality, nature, or the seriousness of this “mind war” they are involuntarily part of into consideration.  I deleted a lot of past stuff because I came down hard on any entity that sold itself under a banner of “size acceptance” as they did nothing more than work as “event organizers” without addressing what is actually going on in the real world around them.  In my opinion, there is no “true” size acceptance movement at all.  The only desired direction for one’s “size” is “down”, and size acceptance is now looked down upon as enabling and false validation.

Maybe I have a much deeper perspective on size acceptance and my own preference after my attempt to seriously change it.  I wanted to modify my sexual preference as if I was attracted to “forbidden fruit” that you see on television and I was under penalty of fine or persecution if I didn’t change it.  The truth is, I probably wanted to open up my probability of finding a compatible personality by eliminating the need for a woman to be super morbidly obese.  After all, there aren’t many of them out there, and the ones that exist are always going to be trying to change that aspect of themselves.  It is truly a no win situation in so many ways.

A logical part of me wanted to eliminate this preference within me so severely that I tried to watch “plumper” porn instead of “ssbbw” porn.  Instead of insisting on finding the largest examples of hardcore women in action, I would see how I could react positively to smaller and smaller women.  I could not begin to imagine giving up “fat” in general, but I could adapt, evolve, and take full advantage of society’s brand new determination to “wipe out obesity in a generation”.  I just had to see if I could get it up for smaller women. 🙂

Of course, that entire experiment failed miserably, with disastrous consequences for the smaller woman I had to hurt when I told her that Candy was coming back yet again.  I still think it’s kind of unusual that a woman who wanted to get close to me was not as large as I was used to, but of course she still had DDD breasts and really large arms for her size.  She played hard to get, and I was only halfway trying to fuck her to begin with, so it worked out exactly how it should not have, with me pounding on this barely 200lbs woman, getting off on the largest parts of her that existed, and trying to ignore the smaller parts that would actually turn me off.

I was not only attempting to change my preference in terms of “size”, but also “shape”.  I seem to have a fixation on “big thighs”.  When I say “big thighs”, all women believe they have huge thighs.  There is no way to simply ask a woman if she thinks she has “big thighs”.  There is no way to hint around, except to point out before you have seen her body that you have always had a thing for a big butt and average breasts…

Of course, that is completely idiotic, so if you happen to get some plus sized woman hitting you up on a dating site, and she absolutely refuses to produce a full body image, you just have to give up some time and go for coffee…. Yeah… Coffee… Fuck the whole full service date thing just to find out if a woman has those full, large, big thighs that are impossible to describe but you know them when you see them.  So much fixation on a body part is simply unhealthy to begin with, so what a happy coincidence if a woman with massive breasts and small thighs seems to pop up to help me with my little “problem”…

I just went along.  Like so much of my life, I took advantage of opportunities that fate provided to pull myself out of one of the worst depressions I have ever experienced.  This one really aggressive, “psycho” type kept hitting me up, and she asked me to meet her out in a park in the daylight and safety of “public place”.  Fuck yeah, why not?  Of course she warned me that she didn’t want me groping her out of the gate, so I should keep my distance.  When I saw her in person, it was not as difficult as you might imagine.

The “top” shape is unique in and of itself, and a lot of women who are not really “fat” would still think of themselves as fat because they have the “top” shape.  While some would assume this is the most advantaged shape, it does not hold the magical appeal to me that it would for some.  Those skinny thighs and narrow hips, with just the tiniest bump of a fat little belly makes the bottom half of this body type look masculine to me.  I can’t explain it, or I couldn’t explain it, until I discovered, you guessed it, SEXUAL DIMORPHISM.

Those large breasts are nice to look at, and fun to play with, but the second I look down, or even see that lack of body presence in my peripheral vision, it’s all over with.  I really don’t know how large breasts would have to be in order to help me resolve my revulsion to skinny thighs…  It might seem “shallow” to some women, but they need to check themselves because they are on those dating sites asking for “all natural teeth”, and “over six feet tall”, and “under 40” when they are 50+, and of course, no fat short bald guys with a tiny penis please.  Maybe some will ask for a minimum credit score.  Some need long hair, short hair, clean cut, biker type, military type, cop type..  Before any female of my species begins to express the slightest bit of resentment over a male’s physical preferences, they seriously need to ask themselves what level of hypocrisy they are working with when they use phrases like “looks don’t matter”.

So, if thighs are my thing, why the fuck not?  I just can’t “say anything” about it.  Yeah, the last time I managed to talk a massive super morbidly obese woman out of her phone number, and then get an actual meeting, I went on and on the whole time about how I thought she was beautiful, and I really appreciate her body shape “no matter what everybody including herself thinks”…  I really think I was self destructing on that date after she said she went to church regularly and she felt that god talked to her.  Like directly to her.  Yeah, she was probably a cat lady and a hoarder to boot.  I scared her off, not on purpose, but she never gave me a chance to really get to know her once I shut the hell up for once.  A part of me knows very well how NOT to scare a super sized woman like that, but she probably crossed the line with the church thing.  Yeah, I don’t do very well with formal religion.

That is another big big irony about this aggressive woman that came to me with the big breasts and tiny thighs.  She was a serious christian, church on sunday and everything.  How I managed to ever get inside of her without ever going inside of her church confounds me to this day.   It was one thing for her to play “touch me not” on the first date, but the first night she slept beside me at my apartment after we fell asleep without having sex was getting kind of weird.  Maybe it’s because I’m over 40, maybe it’s because I wasn’t over Candy, but she could lie there next to me, tell me not to touch her, and I would just say “ok”.  That went on a few times, but one morning, probably on the third time she did it, I just grabbed her and “did it”.  She never said no, but she had never said “yes” either.  I believe that was what she needed at the time, and it was… Incredible… As much as a part of me had to get over those skinny thighs, the breasts, at just the right angle, still did the trick…  I also had to look “at the bright side”, because without an ass, there is no ass to get in the way in certain positions.  A super fat woman is not quite as “vulnerable” to “sneak attack” when she has a massive ass, the way I usually go for…  A “top heavy” woman with those tiny thighs and bony ass has this serious vulnerability in the way that her “fupa” or front upper pussy area actually seems to poke out a little between the thighs when this body type just brings the legs forward…

I guess one could assess from my striking and graphic descriptions that I have a “thing” about not just “fat” on the whole, but a specific body type, or “group” of body types.  I have probably used the phrase “top, bottom, neither, or both” a few times by now, but then I deleted them.  Using those four groups are probably not quite as flattering as using fruit to compare to body type, but I think all that shit is dumb.  Top, bottom, neither, or both kind of sums it up…  I thought finding a “both” type, or “genuine hourglass” would be awesome, but too many of them are seriously fucked in the head in one way or another.  Sad to say it, but hey, I only have two decades of experience with women and dating.  The last hourglass or “both” body type I encountered was “separated” while living with her husband and kid.  She would use my internet to set up future dates with other guys after she got me off.  She was like a prostitute without the cash transaction, but when I started filming her, there actually was cash exchanged.

My favorite body type would be the “bottom” type.  There is such a wide variety of bottom heavy types, and I don’t have any numerical criteria when evaluating it.  I “know it when I see it”.  When a woman would ask me “how big is enough?”, I could only provide the same response.  When asked “how big is too big?”, I didn’t learn until I met her…  Now I live in fear that if Candy doesn’t get some self control she will become “her”.

One can imagine why I am so determined to separate “sexual dimorphism” from “fat admirer”.  Fat admirer leaves too much up to chance.  Too many missing variables.  Too ambiguous.  What I “am” is not an admirer of “fat”.  I have a double standard with fat guys and fat women.  I believe males were meant to be lean and agile, and women were meant to be softer and “rounder”.  This is not misogynistic in terms of gender roles, it is a way that my mind interprets the world I am existing in.  I do not choose to grant roles to gender, but my sexuality has demands that I do not feel are entirely irrational or unrealistic.  Fat exists, and as long as it does, in such a plentiful abundance, why deny myself the opportunity to “be picky”?

I exist in a mindlessly driven super consumer based society.  It confuses me that our society would come down on super morbid obesity, because they are, after all, “super consumers”.

When one says “fat admirer”, or “chubby chaser”, it is a disservice to the seriousness of this condition.  Fat admirer could mean such a wide variety of things, and it is not nearly specific enough to separate me from sexual opportunists, or feeders.  I might have granted myself with sexual opportunity, but it took work, self discipline, and mutual respect between the hunter and the hunted.

I like the term “sexual dimorphist” because it explains both the degree of specification and intensity that my preference has taken.  I don’t want to feed someone to the “right size”.  I don’t want to use someone who is so big “nobody else wants to deal with them”.  I entertain the possibility that I have worked as hard as I have and tolerated as much bullshit as I have because “my type” just happened to look the way she had to look to capture my heart “forever”.

Looks will change, but give me about a decade to emotionally attach to the degree where the body is no longer relevant… Please… 🙂

At any size, the “bottom” shape is always going to appeal to me in a way that is more feminine than any other shape.  It is kind of selfish of me, because I know that not all women will have it.  Candy has a ginormous belly and some people would assume that she does not fulfill the “bottom” type because she is not “pear shaped”.  I have to point out that the one freaky thing about a “true pear shape” to me is that I can see and feel “all that ass” down there, but up top, the woman looks like a skinny chick… That is nearly as bad as the “top”, but I had to learn that feeling the hard way.  That is another reason the “hour glass” is not always appealing, because she can have large breasts to match the hips, but still have a skinny upper half.  I know… Weird…  Candy has some soft, squishy, huge thighs for her height and proportion.  She also has some massive arms too, which I have come to appreciate in and of itself in yet another way.

Sexual dimorphism leaves open the possibility that a woman’s shape is unique for a reason.  Different males are going to be in tune to different parts of this phenomenon, and as I make the realization that I prefer the “bottom” shape, I also realize others will vary wildly, and in some cases, the body shape will be completely irrelevant with a specific personality exception… I believe we all may have a personality exception out there too… The one person that makes us forget what the fuck we thought we were into and reveals how we are also drawn to something else.

This phenomenon would also help to explain why I have some degree of discomfort when I am around transgender people.  I am learning to recognize this for what it is, and still maintain a hope that I can be “transgender bias free” some day.  The problem is, for a true sexual dimorphist, gender lines are not just “clear”, they are as obvious as the side of a barn, or the sight of Candy’s ginormous belly hanging down to her knees.  Hints of masculinity cannot be hidden with a wig, make up, and a girdle.  Masculinity shines brighter than all those things can dim.  When I see it, quite frankly, it kind of grosses me out, like eating something that tastes sweet when it should taste salty.

I want to be “evolved” and “awakened” myself, and nobody wants to be a “bigot” or “intolerant”.  In the case of gender assignment and sexual dimorphism though, there just isn’t room for compromise.  You are one or the other, and the differences are meant to be beyond obvious.  In my world, a woman has to not just be “feminine”, but apparently, “super feminine”.  I am grateful that my realization of how common sexual dimorphism is in nature could help me to write about something that I am passionate about, and that I will come back to in the future.

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