i thought it would be appropriate to take a moment, in the exact moment when ‘the buzz’ hit. just 2 beers would be enough for that tiny, starter buzz on alcohol. oh, it’s sweet. you want to sit back and smile for a second, just taking in the realization that you are lucky enough to be drinking this substance, feeling its effects, and not being fucked with by anything or anyone at any moment.
of course, there is the possibility that Candy might want something, but the probability is low currently because of a recently delivered cup full of green colored lemon lime flavored Kool aid, plus the second half of a huge plate of Panda Express take out that was created earlier today.
i wanted to drunk blog a sec. yeah. fucking yeah! no, not really. it’s not just the beer, the ice beer at %5.9 alcohol, it’s also the ‘spice’. i picked up a variety from a smoke shop that is on Swenson right around the corner. the place across the street has a few varieties, but this one seems to have some kick to it. i wish i knew the exact chemical formulation of each variety that i am so willing to be a test subject for.
Candy should be my ‘drug’. She is, actually. On any given moment, if anything I perceive is ‘wrong’ where to happen, just touching her would immediately bring me to a place where i am solid, resolved, and i can handle any kind of shit i have to in the given moment. i can think of myself as lucky to be granted with that rare opportunity. i get to be around this wonderful person almost all the time. i take a moment, frequently, and remember how lucky i am, for so many reasons.
when i think back to the way i was about 15 years ago, i would say that i was pussy whipped and a virtual slave. now, i have to recognize that because of the unique combination of chemicals released in my human brain while i am around her, most of the time, i can say, as the same ‘person’, over a decade later, that i am lucky and proud to be in the position of being a slave to the most amazing person that i have had the good fortune to have met and been given the opportunity to have and lose so many times in this fleeting thing we call a life bound by the thing we perceive as reality.
run on sentences, i know. maybe i’ll edit later.
i’m laying it on, maybe i should hit ‘the diph’. whoa. diphenhydramine. why give me hydroxyzine when there is already diph? i’m probably spelling it wrong, but the spell check messes up prozac.
i got all juiced up, let myself log in here, and started freaking Depeche Mode Black Celebration entire ‘album’. yeah, those big things. oh god i’m so fucking old. i know, i’m supposed to be ‘positive’, but i keep busting my own balls because i have paved a path of unnoticed injustice and irrelevant malevolence. in this ‘thing’, i can at least call myself an asshole and it might do somebody some good, hopefully me, maybe even someone else.
i’m not going to ‘hit the diph’ tho. as wild as i will let myself run barefoot in the interwebs, i won’t go all crazy and shit. i never did get my nitrous oxide tho… that would be ‘doing it big’ you know. lol that shit is like food related and entheogen related! no way! who cares? cannabis cures cancer! yeah right. who cares? really? anyway… lol no context… it’s so fucked up. at least i can type fuck and not f8ck like i feel compelled in facebook. daring them all the time to delete me while i censor myself. sad. 🙂
i have to put it out there, because i have to say, honestly, if i’m going to be all neutral and shit… there is a lot of shit going on all over the place all over here all the time. as a ‘maybe local’ i need to get my shit together. i also have to say, up front, as much as the asshole who used to write this thing may have talked shit about any kind of attempt to get any social group going, forget all that shit. i think i was playing a character who cared about that shit so much, when he could use it, like any distraction, to avoid his own problems. 🙂 I am fortunate to be able to say that money isn’t an issue to going to this thing or that thing, but the problem is there is ‘everything’. there is also the limitations that i have learned are holding Candy back, and i have learned nearly the exact degree that she may be able to get away with and handle easily.
after all, this woman wanted to move to freaking vegas, she spent 3 days cooped up riding shotgun in the too small cab of a big ass moving van to get there. she did suffer though. either way, she wanted it, she’s got it, and now i got to make this shit happen. i’ve been a lazy fuck. honestly. getting back somehow to a point if there is one because this is admittedly intoxicated writing. we can’t go to ‘everything’. we could go to this and that, but it’s not a big ambition, and there isn’t a big drive inside of us to justify spending the money it would take to even attempt to go to everything. i am ‘here’, so there are probably ways i could contribute to this or that, but i have never put myself out there, and people in those circles do not have incentive to involve just anyone local because of so many people who run cons and shit out here. i think i’ve afflicted Candy with my cheapness too… instead of spending hundreds on this or that thing, she would rather split it up into food frenzies and clothing sprees. she knows i want to blow 300 or so on a ‘quad core 8gb ram 2 terabyte hard drive’ machine that i would build myself for just that much, and she knows that i could afford it but i put it off because i keep getting by with what i have because it works. i kind of want it, but whatever. not many people do that it seems. 🙂
i’ve always been a 20K guy. i’ve had the choice to go higher at times, but in the worlds that i have participated in, from one end of the spectrum to another, i was just more comfortable in that area. kind of sad. but… it lowered the bar on how much i had to make to just sit on my ass and ‘be my own boss’ and all that jazz. 🙂 so… it’s like being ‘poor by choice’ but not really suffering as a result. if anything, we’re not taking advantage of our poorness to the point we could be and it’s not uncomfortable. 🙂
i was lucky that i chose to acquire car repair skills and computer repair skills, because it lent a hand in the situation that i happened to end up in, by choice, or by the sum of several small choices. i could maintain an old piece of shit to the point where i’m not making payments, only paying liability insurance, and whatever seems to go wrong by will of god or fate has not prevented me from fixing it so i can keep driving it.
i don’t have to make a lot, and so therefore, i choose not to, and now, of course, the additional incentive of ‘affordable care act’ is quite attractive. 🙂 i used to criticize this stuff, and now i’m like “bring it on! where’s my free shit?” i’m legit. i pay my taxes, i’m part of the ‘working poor’ even if i’m ‘self employed’. 🙂 fucking reality. gotta love it. i had to switch over from depeche mode to duran duran, namesake album, entire album. ‘anyone out there?’
this blog would come into being shortly after the announcement of the ‘end obesity in a generation’ campaign. i don’t have the credentials, but i would love to have offered several opportunities to get to the bottom of this whole ‘obesity thing’. 🙂 for example, my desire to get access to an entire group of ‘super morbidly obese’ individuals in a MRI session that could accommodate them, to further explore the potential neurological links between them in order to find the ‘common thread’ that is so important in finding an eventual resolution.
yes… the answer… a resolution… now… think about that for a second… big food…. food inc… they might not be too happy with all of that. they are an ‘ally’ in the way that they are the only force that stands in the way of full out war on anything with the ‘obesity’ tag associated with it. obesity is the enemy! obesity is fatal! obesity is the devil! omfg who do we burn first? hahahaha
we can’t just ‘solve obesity’ in the sense that we can keep over consuming mass quantities of shit that is obviously not good for us. it’s sold to us every two to three minutes on all cable networks twenty four hours a day seven days a week. fucking right we have marketing dominance. hire billy mayes, wait, he’s dead, the austrailian guy… whoever… 🙂 we can’t eat as much as we want as often as we want and sit around without a consequence. that’s part of ‘the balance’. if we could ‘solve obesity’ in one swipe, then america and china would starve the rest of the world immediately.
so then… it’s the compulsion to eat mass quantities. wonder why? i’m sure that all of the neurologically sensitive ingredients like MSG don’t have anything to do with it, or AD-36 the ‘fat virus’, or genetic tendency towards obesity when the mother is obese while pregnant… Maybe the fact that we are raised generation after generation with more and more convenience and a lack of physical activity. If I dare to mention ‘the balance’ then i have to take many more variables into consideration for meaningful insight. the balance would dictate that obesity is a future consequence, not an epidemic.
forget all of that… personal responsibility! willpower! your a failure! buy this! buy that! lol that’s what it’s all about, the hustle… capitalism, glorious capitalism. i lick the tip of your powerful, glowing, pulsating cock every day! you are my god, in you i trust! lol weird… make a note. it’s like i’m obligated. while i ‘own the name’ obesiverse, i am the god of obesiverse. i am, therefore, ‘obesiverse’. while i may not value the essence of what i have created over time, i can’t deny the fact that it did penetrate certain areas of interest because of it’s absolute literary insanity.
if you were given the opportunity to just ‘switch’, with an alternate personality, that was only slightly different, would you do it for the sake of helping not only yourself, but those around you who were just generally ‘good’ and ‘cool’? freaking five year thing. hard to describe. it’s not even fucking on time, fucking actual ‘b day’ is still far off, but not really, because time is relative, and i seem to enjoy experimenting in tricks that make time go by faster, or slower, or ‘not at all’?
all of the output, of the blog, in the past, might have been a way to create an entire alternative reality, and then, like some ‘god’, destroy it. entirely. anything looking back would become a pillar of salt like biblical stuff that i don’t want to research in this moment. i may have created it, as i had pondered, just to destroy it.
before being all deep, it’s actually just a matter of domain renewal. the second somebody doesn’t keep up with that shit it’s over with. it’s not like i can’t pay the $12 a year, it’s like, do i ‘want’ to pay it and keep this name around? this ‘name’… this ‘character’, that at times i think i would hate right now… hmmm… i’m laughing right now, but i stopped the music because Candy reminded me i should be doing something else. 🙂
it’s so funny, just to me, maybe… maybe… 😉 there is no fucking context! i’m locked in here with the 2D thing or something. omfg i’ll probably want to delete it. maybe not, it might be funny. 🙂
man, inxs kick full album kicks ass… the mood has passed, and i’m over 2000 words yet again… 🙂