I never realized how much fun I was having while taking photos of food, until I started to review all of the photos that I have created over just the past few years.
you know, the tragic irony is that i had all my teeth removed, because it was the only way to end the immense pain that i experienced on a regular basis. now, maybe because i don’t possess the teeth to enjoy it all, based on my own decision, i am more obsessed with photographing food than ever.
The word “dynasty” has the word “nasty” in it, which is ironic, because I’m listening to ‘the prodigy’ “nasty“.
This is my tribute to the almighty powerful consumer food product consumer for something known as yellow number five. Even though apples are red, someone, somewhere would probably add some yellow no. 5 just to “zazz it up” a little.
This was some really sexy meat, at an all you can eat casino buffet in Las Vegas. I know that you can find a big buffet just about anywhere, but this city is packed full with so many cool places to eat. There is such a diversity in the people who visit, and that diversity shows in the many types of foods that you can obtain.
Candy has had an opportunity to try out so many foods while living here that may not have been available where we lived before, Baton Rouge Louisiana. There was quite a selection there too, but mostly the large franchised places that exist just about everywhere. I am not quite sure if Candy could have found such variety so easily back there. Russian, Italian, Filipino, Cantonese, Japanese, Korean, and of course Indian food. All those excellent kinds of foods are easy to find here in Vegas, and Candy didn’t hesitate to try out just about everything she could find. I think that the only type of food I have seen all over the place here that she hasn’t tried yet is the middle eastern stuff. Indian food comes close, but it’s not quite like Mediterranean.
In the casino buffet where a few of these pics are from, they had an assortment of different national foods right there. In the photo above, there is a taco station in the “Mexican” section, and then right next to that there was a section called “homestyle” or something, and I am guessing it was “southern food”.
There was even a section called “American” but I think that was mostly “southern” or “soul food” because of the greens and smoked sausage. I know there was a section called “international” too, but I could not figure out exactly what that was supposed to be because everything was covered and served by someone behind the counter.
Living in Vegas means that there is a Filipino place in walking distance, right in the parking lot with a strip mall that also includes about 6 other restaurants and a supermarket. In that one strip mall and enclosed parking lot there is a Jack In the Box, a Taco Bell (new), a China Star (Chinese buffet), and then there is the Filipino place, a Thai BBQ, and one small Chinese place in the strip mall itself.
Oh man, I’m forgetting about a small Mexican restaurant in between all of that! We’ve never even tried the small Chinese or Mexican places that lie in the strip mall itself, but Candy has tried every restaurant in the parking lot except for the Taco Bell, only because it hasn’t even opened yet. It will, and that will make the closest Taco Bell in walking distance too, which is ironic because I would be better off walking there to work off the added calories of eating there!
Filipino food really trips me out because there are whole fish in some dishes. Yeah, head and all. I’m sure that is similar to some Vietnamese dishes, which I think we have yet to try out so far. Candy’s favorite dish from the Filipino place is Dinuguan, which i have tried and it just tastes like beef liver to me. I do like liver though, but there is a very complex assortment of other flavors in the spices they use with it.
Now that I read up on it, I realize that they don’t have to use much liver if the base of the gravy is pork blood. I guess that’s where the liver or mineral taste comes from. It is Candy’s fav from the Filipino place around the corner, and every time I end up going there for her, dinuguan is going to be one of the two items in her “combo plate”.
Since I mention one of Candy’s favorites, I am tempted to bring up one of my own, Sushi. It’s ironic that the selection of delicious looking sushi above was for Candy, not me. I would end up being happy to take a few photos and then grab my trusted tuna or egg salad. I’m sure Candy may have slipped me at least one section of one roll, but I would not have taken much if any because this was more of a “prop” than my own personal snack.
I was about to try to figure out the names of everything, then I remembered that I took a photo with the covers on. While the sushi isn’t as beautiful and delicious looking under the plastic lids, the title of these delicious rolls is written out on them, which is good for a reference later, like now.
The photo above showed just a part of quite a feast. Those are Italian sandwiches on the left of the sushi, and both the trays of sushi are sitting on a large pizza in a box. The salt and lemon slices is for the margarita that Candy was making to go along with all of this. What an excellent feast.
Candy has had quite an opportunity to try so many different things, and at the same time, I am always ready with the camera to capture the look of this or that, even if it is the tenth time I am photographing the same food.
I have to admit that I don’t take photos of each and every food that gets delivered or cooked, but there are times when I am in a mood or the food looks so exquisite that I can’t resist grabbing a few pics. Now, I am made aware of the term “food porn” and the fact that what I am creating seems kind of close to it.
I realize that I don’t create the same kinds of images that are created by the “food stylists’ who prep food for commercial images, but then again, I create realistic images of real food the way I get it or sometimes the way Candy makes it.
I recently made a decision that cost me all my teeth without suitable replacement until I endure some paperwork hassle and probably a lawsuit. I am not regretting my decision to have all the teeth removed, because I would have probably had one or more dental abscesses by now if they were still around. I do regret allowing a dentist to take an impression of my mouth while I still had teeth, which I knew was totally backwards. I complained to her as she was struggling with doing it, and I got no response. I made the mistake of blindly trusting a “medical professional”, which is something you should NEVER, EVER DO.
Maybe I have such a gripe about weight loss surgery because the few things I have asked medical professionals to do they have kind of fucked it up. I mean, not having teeth from september of 2014 until now (may 2015) isn’t even such a big deal to me. I don’t really care about the cosmetic aspect, but the functional eating thing does get on my nerves a little here and there.
For all I know, creating food porn has been a way that I am able to appreciate and enjoy food since I can’t eat it in the typical manner without any teeth. I can use a heavy duty fork to crush things up and then swish the mashed up food in my mouth to enjoy the full taste, but that isn’t the same as real eating. I feel like I’m feeding a pet reptile, and that reptile is me.
I guess food porn does have a usefulness, because I am able to express myself creatively in the way I perceive food, and at the same time enjoy the food itself on a level that is not possible even with teeth. I guess I really love the food pics, because taking them can be a creative process in itself, and then seeing them later provides a pleasant memory of foods I have seen no matter if I ate that specific piece of food or not.
I have eaten plenty of sushi back when I had teeth, so now, every piece of sushi that I photograph becomes a part of a collective that I seem to trick myself into thinking I ate. Therefore, the food porn has allowed me to “virtually eat” some foods that I don’t crave as badly now that I can’t eat them in the way I traditionally would have with teeth.
Not having teeth has been really educational, and now I am just left with the sense of being ripped off. I worked hard to make sure I would end up qualifying for medicaid legitimately. The very first big process I wanted to make sure was done was getting all those rotten and half teeth out of my mouth. I didn’t care so much about having new, perfect, fake teeth, but it would have been nice to be able to use the pair that I did get.
Now I can’t get a replacement for five years unless I pay for them, while I see the dentures I can’t use sitting on top of the fridge every time I go into it. i guess I left them there to punish myself, and remind myself every day I don’t do something about this that I should. I adapt so well to new situations though, that not having teeth was something I really don’t notice sometimes. There are times recently I caught myself about to click my front teeth together like I used to, and they are not even there.
I would have to go back to see if my food porn content creation has intensified after having the teeth removed. It may not have, and even if it did, I’m not sure if that proves anything, but I feel that the food porn has been a helpful part in my adaptation to this new situation.
People use different kinds of “art therapy” and now I begin to feel that food porn is one of mine. I know I still have issues. The alcoholism is not really under full control, but I have adapted to a “hard limit” that I have been able to reinforce internally. That is pretty good, but just one of the initial steps to my control over alcoholism without total abstinence.
Alleged “food addicts” can’t abstain from food, so what does that tell you about every abstinence therapy involved in addiction today? I don’t think anybody has a clue about how to “fix” addiction, and in a consumer based, capitalist society, I don’t think it’s in anyone’s best interest to do so.
I have brought up super consumers over at the blog obesicorp, and I have this running gimmick going on over there about a consulting firm that helps companies make more profit by adjusting their business model to cater to the super consumer. i wonder sometimes about how my metaphor might be closer to the truth than I realized while creating it.
There was a time when I would rant and rave about an “obesity conspiracy” that would involve fattening people up, then selling them crap that doesn’t work to allegedly shrink them back down. If the crap that they sold to shrink people back down didn’t work on some individuals, offer one of a variety of surgical options, none of them actually proven to work every time either, sometimes actually killing the person.
That’s when I came up with “shrink’em or kill’em” theory. Of course, that’s just a tiny part of the entire obesity conspiracy theory, but it’s one of the darkest and most “morbid” parts, because it involves death, and the irony of killing one’s self in order to save one’s life. Or, I could put it as “risking your life to save it.”
Every doctor that Candy has seen has suggested surgery, and another irony is that she got sick after seeing so many doctors for things that they could not find. Candy went a few years without seeing a single doctor, and she never got really sick, just has breathing issues. She starts going to doctors and different places for tests, and she ends up getting a little cold that kicked her ass because her regular breathing issues got worse. So, seeing a doctor actually made Candy sick.
She’s getting better, but being sick helped her to lose more weight than she has in years. So, it makes sense to me that there are so many surgeries for weight loss because making someone “sick” actually helps them to lose weight.
Ok, now as I come back to add a few more recent photos, I realize how far off track I got when I started this post as “food porn”. It has taken me days to come back to finish this out of “drafts” and I think I am going to finally let it out!
It has been quite a while… Even now, I want to do something else, so maybe for once, I can keep it short and sweet…
I have been drifting off into never land with all my wild thoughts and potentially irrational assumptions for a long time. I have decided that I may have to return to this activity, even if a part of me wonders what it is all about after I have created hundreds of posts that are tens of thousands of words long, and then delete all of it and start over again…
A part of ‘this place’ is going to be about ‘me’, and another part of it is going to be some serious shit that I seem to come up with involuntarily and almost compulsively bombard Candy with to the point where she literally has a head ache… I need to put it here, and stop giving Candy migraines… And, stop bugging people on the face book… 🙂
I have had a ‘bug up my ass’ for a very long time about the ‘weight loss surgery’. I have read extensively, comprehended partially, and asserted my opinions rather randomly, for a long, long time now… None of it seemed to really make much sense probably, and I was too lazy to even go back and re read any of it myself. I am sure I would find some of it brilliant, some of it stupid, and some of it just drunk rambling nonsense… None of that matters now, because it is gone… All of it… Maybe a part of me thought it was such shit that I had to start over. I believe a prior post addressed the possibility that I created it all just to delete it years later and confuse the fuck out of anyone who even noticed any of it was going on at all…
I have googled the term “forced addiction transfer”, and I welcome you to do the same. It is ironic, at least to me, that as I google this term, I am ‘obesity biased’ because of my prior experience and rather confusing sexual fixation on super morbidly obese human females. It should have come as no surprise that as I attempt some feeble research on the seemingly random string of words, I find several references to weight loss surgery.
I thought for a second I might be re-inventing the wheel, and I would have found some result, somewhere in that very first page, where those words were strung together, and google would even provide a convenient bold type on those words and a short paragraph before and after them. As it turns out, that wasn’t the case. Maybe if I dug just a little deeper before bragging about my discovery on face book, I could have found other connections to this phenomenon that have been very well documented and carefully considered in some random ‘fat blog’ somewhere on the internets…
I saw ‘junk food science’ come up, of course, a professionally written, beautiful in all of it’s effort and eloquent in the writer’s style and thorough investigation. Of course that writer would dive into this topic, because they are such a logical match of psychological phenomenon. My own issues with self discipline, self control, addiction, and compulsive behavior would help me to understand more about what the words “addiction transfer” actually mean, from a very real perspective of experience and pain.
I may have written about and deleted previously issues that I developed when I became worried about the legal liability of using one drug and subsequently switched over to a more legally acceptable one. This would have pleased ‘society’, but unfortunately, the woman that I consciously or sub-consciously choose to love would not be able to handle this change on a deep emotional level. Her prior experience with users of this legally accepted alternative caused her great emotional distress, up to and maybe beyond what one would call “PTSD”. What was worse than her having this condition was her own lack of understanding of it. If she could not get to the bottom of what was making her such a bitch, all I could do was evolve, adapt, and attempt to compromise.
There could be no compromise between two people who both refused to give up their ‘drug of choice’ just because it was emotionally inconvenient for both of them… This caused much greater pain and tragedy for both parties, and I acted out in ways that I have not experienced for over a decade when I felt someone ripped me off and stole my money, my credit, and my very “artwork” for a year’s time. Of course, later I would realize that all of that mess was my own fault because of my bad decisions and young dumb judgement… I paid, I learned, I matured, I moved on.
One day while watching Dr. Phil of all people (it’s almost painful to even type it), I saw him say that you can’t break a bad habit, you can only replace it with a constructive activity. The way I interpreted that was, the ability to switch over from one bad compulsion to another bad compulsion is “addiction transfer”. Switching over from one negative compulsion to a “good” one is thought to be “breaking a bad habit”. It is painfully, blatantly obvious that in order to really solve all those issues entirely would be to figure out exactly what about the human mind causes some people to be more compulsive than others, and then, how do we specifically address compulsive behavior and “addiction” without being clouded by greed and a desire to mold the media’s message in a way that we create a “rehab society”. Rehab from sex addiction, rehab from drugs, rehab from behaving badly.
It troubles me to know, deep down, that this rehab society has turned to the “dark side” where obesity and the compulsion of over eating is involved. I realize that there is so much more money to be made so much faster by cutting someone open rather than digging into their mind. It is also painfully obvious to me that the total lack of interest in digging into the ‘obese mind’ is due to the fast cash to be made by desperate people who are willing to have perfectly healthy organs cut out and altered in order to control behavior.
In my personal experience, as I sit and type this, I am stopping myself from wasting time entirely by playing a long, complex, and involved video game. When I decide to sit in that game, I am stopping myself from bombarding some useless and pointless face book page with random thoughts. When I am particularly distressed, this behavior can even begin to creep onto others with emails and little posts on this or that “thread” of conversation that I am not really invited to join. In doing all of that, I would also inadvertently be avoiding the thought of drinking alcohol, because I seem to really enjoy getting intoxicated on alcohol just past the point where my partner is comfortable. The ‘compulsive’ aspect of my behavior is simply that I won’t restrict myself from it’s use entirely, but when I do allow myself to have it, I know there is a certain point within a certain level of intoxication where I will want to consume more than I set out to before I started drinking to begin with.
Candy would argue this makes me “alcoholic”, and I could agree that this is a problem. At this same time, I am not physically dependent on alcohol because of several reasons. It is not my “drug of choice” to begin with. It is a drug that I turned to in an effort to use “addiction transfer” in a positive way to reduce the legal liability of using my real drug of choice, which is a plant, which is a true tragedy in and of itself considering that it is not physically addictive. I do not have a “craving” for alcohol when I do not have it in my possession, but when I do get it, I tend to get enough so that I will have two “doses”. The internal test once I have it is if I can stop myself when under it’s influence from digging into that second day’s worth, eliminating the second day’s total potential effect, and therefore, taking the second potential day of it’s use away from myself in the process of violating a rule I made for myself while sober.
I realize that this is very similar to the way that Candy gets chinese take out. She would typically buy enough to have two day’s worth. The problem is, she would actually consider having two huge servings on the first day, and maybe just a little left over for a second day. Candy can’t get the same “rush” on a subsequent day because she will always consume more than half on the first day. While she makes the accusatory assumption that I am just “an alcoholic”, she is engaging in the very same behavior, and over time, this behavior would contribute to her potential immobility, and shortened mortality.
When considering “addiction transfer”, and my own ability to guide my compulsive behaviors into activities that could be more constructive, positive, and beneficial for my own future, I have to consider that my addiction transfer “technique” is voluntary. When I consider just how many things I have turned to in order to satisfy some compulsive behavior to do something “too much”, I realize that there is no one substance or activity that could “be enough” to ever really solve the appetite of the compulsive mind. The simple realization of this helps me to guide that energy towards areas of my life that need improvement, and obviously self discovery.
In a way, I realize that my recent use of the phrase “automatic addiction transfer” seemed to switch on a light, and give me ideas about how “rehab tech” has remained the same forever without having to evolve for the changing marketplace of “brand new addictions” coming along left and right. Abstinence is the only conclusion by a rehab society in a phase of our history where obesity is the new “moral panic” for whatever reason, and the media creates more and more obesity hysteria as they cash in on advertising products meant to “help”. All the while they ignore one inconvenient pathological factor to obesity, ad 36. The “fat virus” that you never hear about on the news as you hear people rant about obesity on a daily or weekly basis. That is another post entirely, but it kind of fits in, as I am already tempted to wrap this up, but realize it is way too in depth to cover “right now”.
I am lucky that I was able to fight any form of compulsive eating behavior from an early age. I was “chubby” when I was a kid, but I started working from the month that I turned old enough to work, and that amount of activity and a few small changes helped me to reach what would be considered an “average” weight. There were several motivating factors for this, the very first would be “girls”. Because I realized at an early age I was attracted to women who are “larger” to say the least, I felt that I should make myself as physically appealing as possible in order to increase my probability of successfully meeting and of course fucking some really big fat chicks in my life.
Until I reached a certain emotional plateau, I didn’t realize that my super fat sexual conquests were actually compulsive behavior as well. Even through three marriages, I never met someone that I could really place a deep emotional attachment on until I was in my 30’s. Once that emotional attachment took place, I could voluntarily become monogamous even though I had the option to remain in an “open relationship” like some old creepy “swingers”.
I just didn’t want it anymore. I didn’t enjoy searching for, flirting with, seducing, fucking, and filming other women anymore. Once there was a real emotional connection to someone I had never felt, everything changed. I would still be afflicted with other compulsive behaviors, but screwing any big giant fat woman who let me would no longer be one of them. I believe that was a form of “automatic addiction transfer”, because I went from one compulsion to fuck all kinds of fat women and film it all to put on my website, to a much darker, much more difficult, and much more emotionally tedious and impossible task of really pleasing just one woman.
When I came up with the idea of “Forced Addiction Transfer”, or FAT, it was out of frustration and the great sense of pain I feel when I realize that people who modify their otherwise healthy, working, cancer free internal organs in order to change just one compulsive behavior are being used as test subjects in order to embrace forced addiction transfer as a viable way of extracting money from obese people. Notice I did not say “as a viable way of curing obesity”, because the cure for all obesity is in the head, not in the gut. People who dig in our heads are very expensive though, and they take a long, long time. Bariatric surgery is so much cheaper in the long run, yet it obviously has greater profit potential up front. Surgery is to make money, not to cure obesity.
Surgery creates what I believe is an inhumane psychological condition of forced addition transfer, or FAT. This is why it is so well documented that many post surgicals become alcoholics, or drug users. Without addressing the underlying causes of compulsive behavior, it appears to me, an uneducated “sexual dimorphist”, that initiating forced addiction transfer through any surgery that restricts natural ability to “eat” is simply piling on. This creates an even more intense need to fulfill the compulsive behavior through another avenue. The choice will probably be made early, in the first few weeks of adapting to having a compulsive behavior that cannot be fulfilled without greater pain, misery, suffering, complications, and maybe even death.
This is why in my opinion, any surgery to address compulsive behavior is going to have horrible long term effects. These effects will not simply be felt by the ones who have had the surgery alone. The singular decision to have surgery will effect everyone connected to the individual, because all acquaintances will be forced to adapt along with the individual to this cruel experimental rehab technique. We live in a rehab society that survives through it’s consistent message of abstinence. By selling people surgery as a “cure”, we are telling them that they are beyond all hope of psychological help in addressing their underlying compulsive behaviors. Because they are both the perpetrator and the victim, they must be punished, even if it means executing the cruelest possible punishment on one’s self.
If the entire rehab model works on abstinence, it is particularly cruel from my perspective to encourage people to become “surgical anorexics”. While I watch media, I pay particular attention to those who attempt to discourage anorexia with a straight face. If we live in an abstinence based rehab model society, then we must encourage the super morbidly obese to become anorexic to “fix them”, even if it means forcing them to become anorexic through surgery. I don’t know about “most people”, but I think all of this is sick. I have to hope that my own obesity bias doesn’t contribute to a feeling that I was more right than I ever wanted to be when I saw this strategy as “shrink’em or kill’em”.
I have been typing the words “obesity conspiracy” a few times on face book here and there as well. While that is a topic that could not possibly be covered in just one post, I would like to associate this one issue with that larger “system”. While it is easy to dismiss anyone who hypothesizes the existence of any alleged conspiracy as a complete nut bag, there is so much data to suggest that “something is going on behind the scenes”, that it is almost impossible to ignore. It goes a lot deeper than medical device manufacturers that made a whole lot of quick cash and now want to sell the obesity division because the profits are down after this “low mortality rate” surgery started killing people one after another in Los Angeles a few years back. I’m sure they would not mind dumping the division before all the class action suits come in as well. After a few more years passes, they will.
Forced Addiction Transfer theory is very real, and it started from the minute some surgeon figured out that he could cut out some guts, make some cash, and the “patient” or “test subject” would lose weight. For as long as this type of human vivisection has existed, studies to figure out what happens up to five years after having surgery were only just recently released. The results were not quite as “cure” as the medical community wanted, and that is why you have seen the effort to sell surgery toned down considerably. It still exists, but now it is limited to those who can “pay up front” and those who are not paying at all. The ones who are not paying at all have much higher rates of complications and death, because this is just the excuse a doctor needs to eliminate one more social security recipient. Sad, crazy sounding, and hopefully for all of us, Not true at all…